trying to look yeng...(not even close)

i do these things cos i think it makes me look more brave than i actually am or i do it just for kicks and self-satisfaction but then it totally backfires on me but my non-judgmental(one can only hope) friends think its really funny and don't think I'm a cheese block:

-i try to squish a mosquito in my palm - it touches my palm and i squeal and i knock down the camera(by accident) because the very thought of squishing it makes me feel like....a molded marshmallow - and then mozzie escapes unharmed terrorizing the world with all its annoyingness.

-i try to get out of the car like the way superstars get out of their fancyschmancy limousines(in school) - i trip on my baju kurung skirt and my shoe gets stuck underneath the seat and the whole thing comes off(the shoe i mean..not the seat)

-i try to say something smart in Cantonese or mandarin - i say the totally wrong thing, confusing people and myself and then say the only thing that comes to my mind..'um'

-i bring my pig to church to look somewhat kiddish as ppl say im too serious (i actually just need something to hug)- i end up being bullied like crazy and my pig is severly damaged, mocked a gazillion times, hugged alot, thrown alot, stepped on alot, pinched a lot and it resulted to my pig losing one nostril. tragic.

my retarded pig- char siu-in all his glory

XD

wow. (blank)
what to post what to post....

that joseph is SOOOO tupit.
ONE simple thing i ask him to do oso cannot.
just ONE thing. and he had...
TWO! and A!! HALF!!! DAYS!!!!!
my life depends on it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
does he know how important it is to me??

and that tupittupit bryan!!!!
hes still claiming that i cpld with joseph...
which i SO did not...

lol.today...got perhimpunan orh....
some of the prefects were sorta freaking out.
and they were like..omg! ure auntie dam scary la! she was staring at us u know!!
lol..
and ppl keep asking me what shes like when shes not in school..
i dont really know what to say besides..normal??
but they dont seem to get that..hahahaha

u cant be that perfect.or can you??

u know. my taste in guys have somewhat changed.
i like nice guys now.
bad boys were so last year.

but my physical demands are still the same la..
AND..he still has to be athletic..not shy..and.. a bit playful..funny..loves God the same as i do..or more..heehe

and i know SOMEONE who has all those qualities..
i cant believe i dint notice him before!
I've known him for almost my whole life but only now i see it..
and only...
una, aski, joyce, nicky, stephie, natalie, joseph and i think..OMG..i hope jeremy didnt overhear!!
goshh..he cant know!!
idiot. he stepped on me..and kicked me...and he keeps calling me UNA...urgh..

i try my best. [no i dont. who does anyway]

oh goodness. that joseph is so undependable.
i ask him to do something simple for me oso cannot.
so i have to wait until nxt week to find out...

btw..we are not dating.
no matter what it looks like.
stupid bryan and jun yu.

out of the zone.

I feel SO out of it.
physically..and emotionally..
physically: i can feel all the flem?flhem?phlem?phlegm..in my throat.
im hungry.
I'm not fit for the larian twelveans tmr.(my brain is trying hard to convince me).
emotionally: there it too damn much shit to put in here.

WHY?
tell ya next time.
my dad is yelling at me to go sleep just because i have to wake up 4 hours earlier that usual.
BIG DEAL LA.
(in my head..im sorta agreeing cos i just know im gonna look like a zombie tmr.)

random people. random thoughts.

ok. this is going to be completely um. weird???
im gonna write what i wanna say to some ppl that i dont dare say.
no names tho.

guy- thanks for being honest. u earn points for that, but don't get ahead of yourself.
girl-oh..so its been my fault all this while. i missed ya, but don't be perasan.
guy-YOU'RE TOO DESPERATE. ITS SO OBVIOUS.I'm sorry, i can never like u, so just give up?.
girl-its not fair. u just came and took them away.
guy- we should definitely talk about that THING. I still feel weird around u.
girl-shit.your drifting away.i have no idea what to say to you.damn...such a waste.
guy-are U avoiding me?cause i know u felt bad when THEY said IT. don't avoid me. your really rare.
girl-we still need to talk about it. i cant seem to just forget it like u do.
guy-your so nice.
girl-u need more attention. Don't dump all your unimportant info at me.
guy-i miss you. so much. it hurts.
girl-you yell too much. chill it.
guy- hah. so u don't like me no more. just when i'm beginning to think your...ok?

group of people- I'M NOT WHAT U THINK I AM. I'M A HORRIBLE SELF-CENTERED BITCH.

aha. see. u dont hate me.

see. I'm not as bad as u thought.
see. I'm still the same.
see. We don't feel awkward.
see. We click.
see. It wasn't as bad as that.
it passed.i don't mind. u don't mind.
We are good.

my nose is trying to make my life miserable.
during 365 today i could barely sing!
lucky I not doing the ohp..
man..cause if i sneezed..then all my pei tai will splatter onto the thing...and...eww..
oh. im taking free guitar lessons from kheng yee aka chewie.
joel offered. but he say must pay. HAH. no way.
but i wanna learn to play base??(electric..???] like him.
dam yeng u know?

i gtg.
I WANT COOKIES (with chocolate chips) FOR CHRISTMAS!

we didnt even say goodbye. we didnt even say hi.

yeah. i miss someone. real bad. no..its not him...*i have NO idea why i liked him*
actually..quite alot of ppl la that i miss...mostly friends though...
oh. and SOMEONE is ignoring me.
idiot.
i hate cowards.
he was a really good friend.

right. onto something thats been bothering me for awhile.
i hate:
people who think im still a kid. a baby.
i hate people that underestimate me. i hate people that overestimate me. i hate people who estimate me.
i hate people that judge me.
i hate people who think im predictable.
cos im not.
dont think im a stereotype.
dont think im assumable.
so. phew. go that of my shoulders.

but i think i judge people too.
im trying to stop it though.
oh. my goal this year is to stop thinking about what other people think of me and live by my own standards.
im not gonna judge that poor innocent form 1 boy that is such a nerd. he cant help it right.
or that annoying girl that everyone hates. maybe people just misunderstand her.
or the overachiever thats so uptight and scary. maybe hes just scared.
anyway.
they're there for a reason.
so..i'll give the people a break. though im sure they wont give me one.

im depressed.

Guess how i feel.
obviously, i am depressed.
depressed beyond words.

if u don't know what depressed means..I'll help..
depressed/adj/a. miserable b. suffering from depression
ok? get it now?
yeah. thats how i feel.
over a billion CREDIBLE reasons.
not like the stupid mood swings i used to have last year.
this one is different. worse. terrible.
1 slap to whoever can make me more depressed than i already am.

I've tried everything! almost everything.
even music doesn't help.
the only thing keeping me from totally breaking down is church.
now, I'm not being melodramatic or anything.
i seriously feel down.

i don't want your sympathy.
your pity.
your opinions.
your lies.

I gotta do this on my own.
although, i just need some help.
but nothing U guys can do. only the superiors can help me.
u guys can just make me laugh.
'cos if i become depressed for so long, i wont be nice person anymore right?