You kids can't do this

Actually i don't have time to be posting this, but my sanity is on the line here okay.

Tuesday:
1. Korean recording assignment
2. Entrepreneurship essay assignment
3. Business X-Culture Report assignment
4. Korean Mid-term Exam

Wednesday:
5. E-marketing Midterm Exam

Friday:
6. Interactive Media Group Assignment 3

Next Monday:
7. Entrepreneurship Mid-term Exam
8. Consumer Behavior Mid-term Exam

i'm a bit on edge lah. but i don't want to complain to every body about this crazy schedule. every night i 'sleep' and on my mind is x culture x culture x culture i'm so worried ahmagahhhh


and no, I have no started studying for any of those midterms. hahahaha.
k bai.

Being the best at second best

It's really easy to be a football fan when (almost) everything is going well for your team. They're winning consistently, playing more fluidly, less injuries, trophy potential stuff. There's such a joy and security in your team that you're almost literally itching to see them at the next game. then you have match reviews, previews, news, tactics breakdowns, podcasts and you just can't get enough.

I remember when I first started falling in love with Arsenal. it seemed like they could do no wrong. and even when i was a football noob i could tell that the way they played and the club environment was just so different. 

But I guess the more you invest yourself and the more time passes, you get more jaded and the inhibitions just pile on. and over the many disappointing years, the disappointments collect. the mild drama of losing beloved players (fabregas, vermaelen, even lansbury!) and people you thought you could trust but are actually evil backstabbers (rvp, nasri, adebayor).

The so close yet so far moments like losing to birmingham in that cup final, being top of the table for the first half of last season only to topple down so easily, being so resurgent in certain champions league matches only to exit on aggregate. 

My father once commented on my support of Arsenal as a tendency to support the underdog. at that time i was like heh yeah okay dad you know nuts about football plis shhh. but after the many many years at being above averagely decent but never near winning potential, i realize it is a sad sad cycle of mediocrity to be in.

I don't know at the moment (or ever) how it feels like to be a Liverpool fan, or a Tottenham fan or any fan in the mid-table or relegation battlers. would be any more or less infuriating? who knows? I can't bare to read or hear a single Arsenal related news snippet after a loss or a bad draw, i don't know it'll be like losing like half the time lol. 

sometimes when things get bad you just think ah well, i'll take it game to game. just the bare minimum of fandom i assume. i'll love the wins, ignore the draws, shut out the losses. 

but i've never been one the ride the 'bare minimum' wave. 

thank goodness for the last sputtering cough of the FA cup trophy last season. thank goodness for the run of form that we're having so far. thank you Lord for Ozil, Sanchez, Cazorla and boyfriend in the midfield. thank that almighty handsome frenchman Giroud that he is front striker material. thank the heavens that we've so far managed to beat united, city and liverpool.

you know what this shows? some sort of upwards direction. yes. that's right. I'm daring myself to hope again. be gone cynicism! we have a fighting chance for greatness in the future!

well at the time of writing, we have yet to beat Mourinho's Chelsea, and have not yet beaten Aston Villa to win the cup. I'm not saying these performance indicators will immediately cause me to go back and be the bitter, cynical, negative fan that i can be, but i wish my team all the best and my love for them will still remain. 

i will continue to drink my milo in my arsenal cup. i will continue to open my front door with an arsenal keychain on my house keys. i will wear that arsenal jersey out in public.

ps. guys, i also want an arsenal towel for me to wipe my eventual sweat and tears.

pps. we are the greatest team, the world has ever seen.

Real-life dancing

One of my major self improvement challenges for sem4 in uni is to stop complaining so much about group assignments, and group members.

About their utter lack of competence or intelligence or common sense or decent effort to edit.

About how they are also so stubborn in accepting that everything I do is actually right and has been proven time and time again in every subject by every lecturer.

About how it seems like they've never written an essay or read a book in their entire lives.

About how BAD their levels of comprehension are in terms of understanding questions, briefs and summaries.

Today I failed. I will try again to be gracious and not think I'm right all the time (even though I am) and actually try to speak out my opinions instead of being passive aggressive.

Dark moments

Double post.

Because at this point I'd like to apologize to myself for being affected by such petty things.

Our lives are in God's hands and as much as we love, we also lose.

He gives, He takes away.

:'(

hugs needed.

Peaks

Listening to an Arsenal podcast now while looking at my assignment brief. lol. International Business movements, Arsenal defensive movements whaaa

Gonna stress release a bit before I kick into full gear. 

Anyway, since I have less inhibitions here, gonna talk about how my hormones have been off this period uh period. Usually my ultra-lonely why am I single feelings only come before or during my period, but this time it has only come this week. and like been a few days d lol. I assume it will go away by...like Friday or something but for now..just...let me be sad.

Just being around in Taylor's a lot more often this week and last week, looking around at all my peers and everybody else in general thinking, that in fact most of these people have a significant other. I'm thinking that my approach to compatibility should be a logical one lah, shouldn't you be with someone you respect, admire and have plenty in common with? not to mention traditionally you should have a S.O. that your parents will accept, and that you're both mature enough to be in a relationship.

Looking at most people's relationships and these are people I actually know, it seems that ANYBODY can just seem to get ANYBODY as long as someone makes a first move. Like. Have I been doing something wrong. if like that then statistically, wouldn't I have someone by now. hahahaha.

(I'm only partially serious btw. This is just me under the tinted goggles of temporary loneliness and spite.)

I probably have even written about this on this blog more than once before. Only of course now I am the oldest most experienced version of myself lah. and probably would still have told my old self not to change a thing.

Even the most crude, rude, immature, illogical, vain (or whatever other personality disorder you can think of) are in stable relationships. It seems the only requirement for seemingly successful relationships at this point of young adult life is knowing to buy each other things, celebrating anniversaries, being overly physically comfortable with each other, and going out of the way to drive someone somewhere. 

Yes I know it's not wrong to have that. but. but. lol actually idk what successful relationships are made of. I've never had one either. 

Most of the time I just think that people want to find a S.O. for the sake of exclusive companionship. Like just to guarantee that there's someone you have on your side at all times.

UGH okay I don't even know how to make that sound like a bad thing. Hahaha.

Also the need to post this has been spurred on by my noticing of even more hansem guys and when you get to know them, still they end up being douchey bags and half of them are already taken anyway. Look at your face so nice until I see you give me lapsap for assignment, smoke, and swear all day. MANY IMPRESS

TAYLORS WHY YOU LIKE DIS

(please someone tell me if Monash is not like this I will literally try and turn back time and try to fork out that extra 30k to register there)

Then I think that most of my guy friends are really such gems and gentlemans. and the thought of dating them literally just made me laugh out loud at myself.

At the same time I also know most of them won't even think about me that way, they are laughing even louder. 

Easy to say just trust that God has the best for me, not easy to apply. but also that knowledge and trust I have in God is forever. longer than this temporary moments of insanity.

OKAY bye

Personal Development

Hi.

I've had 3 and a half months of blissful holiday till this week. Sem 4 starts and its beginning to just look incredibly tough. I have six subjects, which is one subject more than the past few sems. and just seems like a lot to cope and i'm not gonna have such a good schedule anymore.

But I also know that 4 months is actually really short and before you know it it'll be July and I'm shaking my legs for another month again. Hehe.

So. What have I even been doing.

If you don't count December, which was crazy busy, as it will be every year and after officially celebrating my 21st, I will break down what my January to March has been like.

We did somehow manage to plan an early trip up to Genting this year, where the last two years were near the June break for Monash. This year was the first week of January and hey somehow it felt very very necessary. lol.

If I remember right there were 3 cars going up this time. and as usual we start the first day with a grocery trip to Mydin or Giant before we have brunch and head up.

So yeah, this time the we more or less banned the video game marathon that the guys had the last trip which made it so draggy lol. this time we had more board games. Zombiecide, Legendary, Shadow Hunter and monster something. I think we all owe Gideon a lot for being such a constant blessing to us hehe.

and Gid brought me and Matt to the casino for the first time. just to watch and experience. it seems so surreal you know. like how exclusive and luxurious casinos are made to look like in the movies, and here it is and its almost just the same heh. and you realize how many people have much monies lol

we also stayed an extra day. like on the day we were supposed to leave everyone was just lazy and unwilling to move and it was like 12pm before we were like, can we just go home tmr. and after everyone had the OK from parents and made sure we had enough clothes and underwear or whatever then yeah. also cooking with them again testing my patience. and car trouble :(

I don't know for how many more years we can keep doing this. I mean, next year should still be fine, but the years after that when we're all working and stuff then how. Growing up is really not fun :(

The immediate week following was Kuala Krai, Pahang. and no, it wasnt a holiday. That time they really needed volunteers to help with disaster relief for the flood victims in that area. and since we were free, we went to help out. it was almost 9 hours there and 9 hours back. and as much as i love car rides, but like the 7th hour i was like enaaffff

The entire area that we were at was actually pretty vast, lots of land all around, and yet its hard to imagine ceiling-level floods that affected all the way even past like an hour journey from the river. Scary. We spent our time cleaning a few badly affected houses. then second day the girls and guys split teams. From what the guys describe as 'chocolate cake', they basically shoveled 3 or more feet thick literal gunk, and i tell you when we say mud we mean more than mud, its like cake batter and weirder. and THE SMELL.

the girls (WHICH INCLUDES ME) went to this bakery which was badly damaged and it was dark and dingy and smelly and muddy and messy and the place was so big and i remember thinking (admittedly in a bratty way) that this had to be a joke or something like someone would come and tell us like wow this seems tough lets just go back and do something easier.

but no. nope. we just picked up the shovels and got to work and within an hour we cleared the place up. so proud. and exhausted. after that we went to a school and helped to wash some equipment and stuff.

overall, the trip really opened my eyes to be thankful for what I have. I mean, we mostly helped low-income families, and they had so little to begin with, and after the flood, they basically were left with nothing, except donations of stuff like maggi mee and toothpaste.

and I have so so much here at home. and not to sound proud or self-righteous or anything, our problems are just so petty :(

my third and last 'holiday' was the 365 Boot Camp. I was like just an honorary camper or something lah. Besides ATM, I was the oldest girl there, and Sarah Steevan was the second oldest and she was 18. the camp was mainly for those kids with school holidays. the first and last boot camp i went to was when i was 17 and there were just so many good memories that I just didn't want to miss this one, even though i felt just a tad too old to do everything there.

idk if i ever blogged about it that boot camp but it was just so fun. leeches, and people constantly worries about leeches, beaconhouse, the night trekking, and i cant even remember lah but yeah. going back to same campsite 5 years later, just makes you veryy...

okay i went to fb to look for pictures and got caught up in a storm of nostalgia. so just take my word for it. lol.

reaching there the weather was just mad hot, and setting up tents and everything just seemed to give off heat and ergh. hot.

there were puppies! and clean showers! and good food! 

no reception! no wifi! lots of bugs!

second day was long and tough alright. we went stream trekking. which is like hiking up a mountain, through the stream. through water and rocks and errthing. fun lah, and only one leech reported. and the waterfall and then walking back down. then the senior bunch of us had to set up a complicated campfire which took so long and then the campers made fried rice by themselves. and then the actual campfire which was really nice :)

needless to say that night i just fell asleep in a blink. the stars were beautiful too. and the fireflies.

---

basically the three biggest events. the rest, as below:

1. CNY was fun, lots of visitations :) lots of food, lots of angpaoz

2. Joel and Eve's wedding. I helped in designing some stuff, with the deco and took care of Aaron the fish and it was a great wedding :)

3. Skytrex. That was fun. Highly recommend it, worth every penny, every shaking muscle, every deep breath and every hit of vertigo. Want to go again please. :)

4. Hiking bukit Gasing. Thanks to Anna banana we made the trip up.

Well those are the big things i remember lah.

I also did like 4 consecutive design work pieces for 365 with my free time. Going out a lot with friends. Gym-ing. Captain ball. 

I finished all 10 seasons of friends, finished up Glee. catched up on my Big Bang Theory. I'm also currently at level 845 in candy crush. attended FOUR of my uni mates' birthdays. lots of bonding time with mummy. 

also a lot of sleeping. 

this is just so you all know i wasnt a complete waste of space during this time of my life lah. in defense i did look for jobs, only just a bit late lah. and i thought since I already was at EY last year, i thought i wouldn't mind not doing anything this year lah, since next year would be my official internship already and work and life in the next years after that.

Growing up is so not gonna be fun. :(