I can only think I'm trying my best - everyone is different on how they perceive things, or is this a liberalist/post-modernist excuse that makes me less accountable for my actions.
My chase to be as objective as I can be is extremely laughable. I don't want to be ignorant but at the same time if I keep thinking I know or understand everything and am aware of the possible blind spots - is an infinite argument because if I settle on that then I'm already telling myself I know everything and I know all the things I don't know which is the exact opposite. But then I think...is the opposite of that just always being the one that surrenders and says, well I just don't know. That also seems like an easy way to excuse yourself from the responsibilities of your thoughts and actions.
Deep sigh of relief typing that out, this is an exercise to untangle my brain.
And one more thing I'd like to pull out of my brain
Here is another season of Arsenal fandom. Where I feel the stakes (of my emotions) are the highest they will ever be in recent years. How poetic it would be to win this season on our 20th anniversary of our last EPL trophy. Last season was great but equally painful - but after many months of recovery you can look back and remember that we have progressed greatly and there was more good things than bad.
How I enjoyed the wins and the news and the podcasts again when things were going well - but because the hope took you by surprise that yes disappointment would also come.
But this season with everything on the line and the new signings and expectations, my hope has never been this high and I just know the higher the climb the harder the fall so it will be an exercise for my emotions again.
Why all this just for football hah please i've had this unhealthy relationship with football for almost 15 years, longer than some of my closest friendships to date.
I also deserve happiness in the form of a trophy please huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu
Sekian terima kasih.
