Pick Me

Sunday, December 30, 2012

life begins again.

this is my stpm severance post. :D and 3 am on my 19th birthday.

i know it's a bit late, but this is the only time i've got to really sit down properly since it ended. yeah, life has been very eventful since stpm.

what can i say without sounding melodramatic and absolutely cynical.

i did previously post stuff abt form six here and there right? and has there been any good ones? hahaha.

so far in my 19 years of life, this year and a half has been the longest and most torturous. to me lah okay don't quote the homeless people or underprivileged kids and all.

i don't know how to explain why, but it must be a lot of small things, and how extremely difficult it was.

let's talk about the exam aspect of it all.

it. is. hard.
i don't know how to directly compare with all other pre-u courses in malaysia, let alone the world, but in my realistic opinion, it's probably the hardest in malaysia, i can bet my nail polish collection on it. subject to subject, you can't beat it.

PA is by no means easy, but the most feasible of the others. and compulsory. graphs, essays, politics. HOW FUN. -_-

Bio. it's hard because the syllabus is really wide, and deep. it touches university syllabus, and the marking is really strict.

but the funny thing is, i still really enjoy studying it more than the others. makes me really think of pursuing the bio field. though, i really hate plants. and dna.

and if God is merciful, i hope i did well enough. because the papers felt kinda okay. but form six really changed my perception of 'okay' lah. so okay prolly means, hurray i passed. my teacher, Pn Daisy is really, an awesome teacher. she's a lil quirky, and sometimes she does cute things for us like buy us egg mcmuffins, brownies, and a pencil, eraser and sharpener a week before exam. haha.

it's a lot of reading, and understanding. and i've gone through a levels textbooks okay. no competition.

Chemistry? i don't know. i don't even KNOW. that A+ in spm really amuses me. i just have to admit there will be some things i'll never understand no matter how much i read it. and i don't know why i just can't seem to calculate anything anymore. not to say it's very complicated, it's just plain difficult. you know, or you don't.

Pn Looi really is a great teacher, and she prepared us well, her notes and lessons are good. but eh. idk. she's also very generous though :D not to mention she postponed her retirement for us. and her curry chicken, cheesecake and so much other food. hehe.

i'm also very bad with experiments. though, i have not broken anything.

what really sunk my ship was that both paper 1 and 2 were so difficult. it's like they knew how to ask all the things i couldn't understand and leave out all the things i could. not to mention, the printing error on the periodic table they gave. real smooth, mpm.

Maths. if i ever said i liked maths, i take it back. i hate it. i thought conquering and liking add maths was enough preparation and foundation for this. it's not. not even close. i don't think i can say with confidence that i'll pass. i probably won't. i feel like a freaking genius if i can solve a question and then you see it's only worth 6 marks and you just want to die. and what has functions and inequalities evolved into?

sigh. it's also quite scary when the smarty pants in class still don't know how to answer some questions here and there.

sorry, i think i can blame half of my failure upon my maths teacher. i will not elaborate.

it's the only subject i have extra tuition for. i don't know if it helped.
that's it. just four, and i really think my brain has reached it's limits.

i'll post about the other aspects later. maybe not even at all, the hell that is stpm drifts further and further away into the past. and i'll gladly let it go. :)

Thursday, December 20, 2012

about a few inches.

a bout of nostalgia really hit me today. a specific situation. same people. same feelings? but of course, never under the same circumstances. i don't really like the feeling, it's like grasping at thin air only to realize you dropped it a long time ago.

you can wish and wish and your mind will be boggled into trying to wiggle your way back into even a having a glimmer of hope that such a thing could even be possible again, but it's going to take more than a miracle.

i think i'm ready, or about to be ready on my part. but the other person NEVER so. 

i'm not the type that would flip a table, rather, i'd slump unhappily like a pile of cabbage on top of it and try to dig a hole with my fingernails. 


Friday, December 14, 2012