i cant recall if i ever blogged about Olivia Rodrigo before and why is it even on my mind and worth talking about
i shouldnt be ashamed to say that her music is so...relatable. especially if i was my 15 year old self and trying to cope with my seemingly difficult problems and love life. its not mind blowing musical genius, yet it is. and its great that she has found success with that. she managed to put in words and music those terrible growing pains that my 28 year old self looks back and be like wow, so glad i dont have to go through that anymore. honestly, no one should really date til after 18 or even 21. before that you just need to grow and mature a lot as a person otherwise all those small dumb things guys do (that they literally dont even think about or care what it does to you) will seem so important. but now we know its not, and you can't blame them, they're growing up too!
ok i'm done with this, i'm a literal grown woman now. Olivia herself has said she's moved on from that album and has grown from that. good job for her.
but i'm really here today to complain about my period. yeah this seems to be a puberty centered post.
you know my whole life i was always wondering what wrong with me sometimes. not in an existential dramatic way, but i just wonder if or why my body just doesnt work properly sometimes. its not serious enough in a way where you worry about it or do something about it and it drives me crazy cos i keep thinking i'm imagining it, or worse, blaming it on myself when i cant even control it. but you know its there, it affects me. so, not serious enough that it can be properly addressed, but not small enough that you can ignore it.
being suddenly more susceptible to colds and flus?
having low energy or being realllllyy sleepy or tired sometimes.
having random aches and pains.
weird things with my bladder and digestive system.
being emotional, irritable, easily annoyed, very sad etc
so these episodes happen often enough that you notice it and feel like its a regular part of life d, and when it happens it makes me feel quite defeated sometimes because yeah i cant control it, and yet i wonder if im like not getting enough sleep, water, rest, am i breathing in asbestos or something like WHATS UP MAN
and you look at people around you who are always so normal or motivated and high energy and i feel like is my body making excuses or what
but like i said, its sometimes, so some days i feel great, normal, like 100% ready to go and i honestly can differentiate it (now)
as i grow up and try to understand my period and PMS and all symptoms related, i realize i can attribute some things to it, the much more obvious ones like pimples, diarrhea, killer cramps, cravings and hunger. which i'm sure i have complained about enough. my skin is sucks, and i have a stash of panadol or even stronger pain killers with me when i need it. and the up and down cravings and appetite issues.
progressively i noticed a pattern in my moods; like i can't be hating everyone and everything all the time! sometimes its more subtle like feeling more hopeless and even weepy about anything big or small in my life and then the existential crisis - then one day you wake up and be like, nah. i'm good.
it drives me crazy cos like am i supposed to ignore these or address these like what. because when the moods hit low it hits reallly low like i cant be bothered about anything, dont want to talk to anyone etc
then as i get even older i can start realizing a pattern of other things mainly the sudden dip of my immune system. it was a revelation when i started being able to pin point that there would be one or two days in a month (regularly!) where my nose would go running out of nowhere, and if i made it worse somehow (like stressed out or didnt get enough rest or irritated it further) then it would be a full blown cold/flu for a few days. and if i managed it properly, it would be gone literally the next day. i dont get this symptom that badly nowadays, but when i do i get on top of it real quick and i dont let it escalate. but when i'm stressed then it just snowballs.
how annoying is that?!
so one of the things i gained from the MCO and having a bare bones routine for more than a year is that i can conclusively blame my period cycle for a whole slew of the other symptoms. and not even the week before, during and after my period, because ovulation also creates some of these. so can you imagine how little 'normal' days i get in a month
i really try to be objective here and not make excuses or have a victim mindset, or even a self-manifestation type of thing. i almost can predict my full calendar of issues already.
random aches and pains just show up - like i used to think like did i eat something wrong? did i suddenly injure myself and forgot about it? did i not drink enough water - NO ITS MY PERIOD
fatigue and tiredness - there are some days when i just literally am OUT and can sleep for 72 hours and still be tired and i hated these days cos i thought something was wrong with me and i was just a lazy bum. but after getting my vaccination and feeling THAT fatigue, i realized wait if that is a medically induced level of fatigue, i actually experience that every month! i'm not crazy! its bad when it actually affected my education and even work productivity levels.
my most recent observation is how my bladder is affected. this one doesnt bother me as much, but also cos i never realized it was a pattern until now. bladder incontinence is a symptom can you believe it. so some days i will drink a literal SIP of water and have to pee x100000 and some days i drink 2 litres of water and nothing (or just normal)
anyway the overarching theme here is that there is a pattern, and these things happen like clockwork. and i'm so pissed right now because of my stupid headache that came for no reason (but we now know the reason). last time i would even think, is it the weather is too hot or too cold that i'm like this. but no.
sometimes im very busy or occupied and my period cycle shifts a bit and i'm like having a crazy backache for a week thinking i pulled a muscle while jogging? or i slept weirdly? then BAM PERIOD and the backache is gone (probably replaced by killer cramps) and i'm like OHHH
so yeah my whole life of always trying to figure out whats wrong with me, i finally have some answers.
i guess the next thing is figuring out what can be done about it somehow.
i dont think theres a cure?
i try to work around it like plan big events or things around the worse timings, or try to recognize the symptoms and accept it but not fully succumb to it (unless it real bad) but you cant ask the world to fit around your menstrual cycle la so there are days where you really just have to soldier on and pop more pills or something
i mean in a way, recognizing it helps me to be a lot kinder to myself and not constantly worry what i did wrong, but i'm sure maintaining a healthy lifestyle could help it overall but yeah i dont think i have any bad crazy habits anyway
ok headache be getting worse now and im hungry but no appetite, my knee is in pain
dont even get me stared on my pimples ugh
thanks for listening, please pity me i appreciate it
