Pick Me

Friday, December 31, 2010

here's to a new year :)

so 2010's coming to an end :)

i'm not going to say something lame like oh how time flies because NO. this year did not pass by quickly for me.
it took forever for each and every exam to pass especially spm. and now i'm a high school graduate babes :)

i guess i'm bad at remembering the year at the top of my head right nao, so, i'll use my blogger archive.

1. first of all, was walking into 5Explorer. i didn't really like the classroom, but i love the classmates :)
me, adeline, panda, and debbie were together :) and our whole gang sat at the back of the class. unlike last year when we were all scattered everywhere. this year we all got closer and become more of a gang :) and if i dare say so, we are the coolest class in form 5 :) we're also the class with most drivers. and class pictures.

2. i was abit tuition crazy this year as well. see, i'm not like you normal people :) before this year, i never went for like a structured, syllabus oriented tuition. my only tuition was more of a self study, personal tutor kind of thing? i'm not weird kay. see there's normal people there too :)

i guess i'll never see most of them again :( but i love them very much.
there's the usj12 gang, me, karling, andrew, chor heng, kavitra and kf. and then sri kl which is vern and audra. then seafieldians alvin and kai ning and then usj13 is ken wee :) 

right. what i meant by tuition crazy is that i kept joining and quitting tuitions. but it was a totally new experience for me. i only went for pn.poh's chem for like 7 classes, then quit. then mr.raj's bio, chem and phy for like less than 3 months. and i was considering add maths and even moral classes too kay. 

basically, i don't like it. for real. never liked it. never needed it. my advice would be to not go for so many different tuitions, but i guess different people different methods la.thank goodness my brain chose the more money saving one right :)

3. prefect board. hmm. as an ajk (with a more flexible post) i already escaped the daily duties but with it comes extra stuff right. i didn't exactly love the ajk board as most of you should know, but it made me more responsible and i got to do a lot of things for this darn school.

first and last agm i ever had to handle in the first few weeks. loved planning and facilitating camps. and then there's extra events.

all in all, i am bittersweet about prefects. i did earn a lot of things personally, but over all, i don't think it was worth it. you don't get much credit from teachers, or students, unless you're the head prefect, and the hours are crazy. my grades suffered. and the day i retired was the best day ever.

4. mssd. man i know i was whining about it all the time. even i'm tired of talking about it. lots of training, lots of effort, lots of fun, lots of experience, lots of failure. and encik shahril's gone :(

5. hard work and exams. form 5's not an easy year. i know college and uni is superbusy too, but let me elaborate as it is :) i remember first week adi got piled down with homework. especially with add maths and pn. heng's math. tip? give up on sivics, bm, moral and english work. seriously, don't waste your time. if you can escape, then good. 

exams were superkiller man. we are i think the only school with double midterms plus double trials. most of the year is exams wan. not fun. always busy. i've learnt to be a superpowered multitasker :)

and for spm of course, you learn how to work hard again. especially till the last day when i'm so dead tired and slept less than 4 hours of sleep for the last few papers, falling sick and stilllll made it through :)
and that's why i feel so contented nao, it's because i couldn't possibly have pushed myself further anymore. now it's up to God :)

6. all that, without abandoning my social life. form 4 and form 5 are so different because when you're friends can drive, omg, you can go out  A LOT :) in a way it's also a year of freedom.

my parents were uncharacteristically nonchalant about me going out a lot despite having major exams :) which was cool.

in fact not just school people lah, my church gang also. how many gazillion surprise parties and events and every year you just have to top it.

7. as a twelvean, we got one of the best events of the year. we're not the coolest school with IU's or concerts and stuff, but this year we got some and i don't think future and past years were as lucky as us.

a) kantin day. omg dunking machine osm! and first time in a loooonnngg time since it was open to public. put so much work into it, with the staying back and the cupcakes. 

b) talent search. made me crazy. but osm right? and all out talent search held at night? in our school? never :D but still it happened. and it was great. and who planned it? me :) i. am. osm.

c) graduation. ok i know the only reason the previous year didn't have this was cause of h1n1, but i think this year we stepped it up because of our coolness :) everyone looked so pro that day and :') we graduate from high school :')

d) prom babeh. i'll do another whole post on this. but really i appreciate the committee for planning it so nicely.

now you tell me which other year had a combination of all these? :) remember, they were public events (xcept graduation lah)

8. miscellaneous.

a) BIRD! Posted on 10th June:

did i mention to you the love of my life, left me? i see him everyday but one day he just left without saying goodbye :( sometimes i think i see him around, but they all look the same. i'll never see him again. 
i'm talking about bulbul. my awesome bird. he is unimaginatively named bulbul, after his species, which is a yellow vented bulbul.
yes. i claim it as mine. and i was so excited about it when it was around.

b) i now have the guts to kill cockroaches. with ridsect. never ever with smacking or squashing cause it's DISGUSTING.

c) bejeweled. it's stuck on me and will never let go. serious addiction throughout the whole year D:

d) football. the love increases every year. and the world cup. 

9. people leave :(
danielle, sam, julian, jc, paul, ysl. there are some coming back :) and a lot more still going. next year. i will emo.

10. i've also learnt to trust God more :) throughout the whole year of always being busy and tired, God never failed me. He was always there for me through exams and events and whenever i was just wanting to give up. He provided me with great friends and overall great opportunities. 

and in terms of relationships, i made a promise to God about the guys i would date. it's more than having high standards. i don't want to get into a relationship in which my parents and God would disapprove of, and i want it to be right. a guy with a future. 

and a guy that was mature enough to put God and studies first too.

so i gave up on guys for awhile :) in a good way you know? this is longest time i've not even liked or had a crush on a guy because i know what i want and right now, is NOT a boyfriend :)

and in my decisions. there IS a reason why my parents trust me enough to not complain about me not studying or going out too much or making bad choices and lying to them.

it's because i DON'T lie to them. and each year i promise myself that i would do only good things.

and of course my studies. couldn't have done it without Him :)

God, thanks for a great 2010 :) and i wish the best for 2011.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

and it's 2008 all over again.

hey :) sorry! been busy with my lazyness and actual busyness... :) there's alot of things to post about, but i need to get this off my shoulders once and for all.

it's a redundant topic i know, but i just gotta let it out :)

my pmr & spm crew :)

so today was pmr results day for the form 3s. and it bothered me that a lot of people did well. why? because i am bitter about mine. still. i mean, really, congratulations for those who did, but i'm so jealous :(


1. I KNOW it's been two years. but i'll remember the day i got my results. i was NOT happy. maybe to some people 6 A's is fine. but now, when you realize how easy it actually was, why on earth not one more A? stupid bm.

2. without trying to sound snobbish :D, i know i'm smart. i am! i put in effort for that stupid exam, but still didn't get what i expected. i mean, when most of your peers get straight A's, it feels like crap. and you feel like you're not as smart as them.

3. then to make things worse, they segregate students by straight A scorers, and non-straight A scorers. wth. so basically, at first i felt even more left out and jealous and ough. rah.

4. and then people come and tell you that you did fine. six A's is good enough, well babes, it's not, until now i still feel that way. and then when people found out that i wasn't happy with my results, they tell me, it's okay, not bad you know, 6 out of 7, and be all pitiful on me. disgusting.

5. then parents want to reward me. sure. reward mediocrity. and i have to half-heartedly accept it. and then everytime i look at my rm400+ elle watch (chehhhh :D) i only feel sad :(


it's important i remind myself that i should be happy with what i got.

1. it led my to an AMAZING class with amazing people that really made my last two years in high school absolutely perfect :) 5E made me meet with debbie, adeline and amanda :) and the rest of you all lah ;) and i love those people so much :) and it really was a different group of friends that i really really appreciate :)

2. it made me work harder for SPM. and hello, i just finished high school. SPM dictates your future, not pmr. and it's time i let it go.

3. i slowly learnt how to be content with what God has given me. it wasn't easy. at times i was really unhappy with God, cause i put in a lot of hard work, and i thought i deserved it more than some people whom i know didn't put in much work and just got lucky. but all in all, that one B led me to other paths, and i'm glad it did.

okay so far more cons than pros, but still i'll be okay i guess.

there's so much more to life than good results. you can be a real smarty pants, but you miss out all the fun in life. or you can have too much fun, and miss out on a good future.

i am truly happy that i have a lot of both, and whatever i get for spm, i'll know that i'll be okay.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Pt 2.

how unlike me to do a series post -_- but whatever, i've got alot to say.

5. there's so many possibilities for what's next. i do wanna dye my hair BUT not in some stupid lala cina trash job. and i hope none of you do too. i mean, a stupidly dyed hair just gives you a bad first impression doesn't it. and omg i want a haircut. maybe next year :) after prom. i love my long hair. and i decided it's going to be long forever :) don't joke with me about cutting my hair short and all. i've tried it before and i didn't like it at all.

so i'll just have to decide how i can change my hairstyle without actually changing the length :) bangs anyone?

AND i can paint my nails whenever and however i want. i gripe about this alot. i know people when they're in high school they paint their nails and get caught or moan about having to wipe the polish off when school starts but then wth they get to leave school and they don't paint their nails anymore! sorry if this is such a bimbotic issue to be angry with, but i'll show em.

i can have different colored nails everyweek no sweat. of course er i'll show some restraint lah. don't want my beautiful nails yellowing or weakened. just wait and see.

ps: i just want more nail polish. for christmas. or my birthday. that's allllllllllllllllll. but in a nice colour please :)

6. whatever i'm taking next year, i know that i'll be going for a mid-year intake. about june or july?
lazy to explain this or argue my point fully, but come on. a 6 month break? i won't grow into a vegetable i PROMISE myself that it will be fully utilized and extremely beneficial.

unless i get some miracle scholarship that forces me to start immediately -_-

7. got to learn ma driving. i've been truly blessed by having so many many friends that can drive and have their own car now, but i know i've got to do it myself. this is a must learn thing. even though i suck at it.

i've no natural talent for driving -_- which is thoroughly misrepresented by my osm video game racing car skills. and i'm a generally wimpy, indecisive, and easily distracted person, how on earth will i let others trust me with a large deathmobile when i don't even trust myself.

i scared.

8. after this i'll put up my personal list of goals to achieve in the next six months.

9. prom!

10. i think i'm going to try for regular posts here okay? and back to twitter. the twitter world has grown :) and i'm going back. AND.

football ohmai. when spm just started we had that losing streak. erm. with the champions league and with the epl. left me angry and unsatisfied so i just forgot about arsenal and football for awhile. now that spm's over, i can truly watch every match and squeeze 90 minutes of joy out of it. (if and when arsenal play well la -_-)

okay i didn't really miss weekend matches during spm but i promise i had a book in front of me at all times and only if i finished what i wanted to study for the night.

samir nasri is absolutely magical lately. i know he looks abit dopey and nerdy, but man he's incomparable :)
fabregas is being noobsence atm cause i don't know, but whatever. loser. and i really can't stand arshavin because he used to be fast, motivated, and able to weave in and out of defenders as if he was liquid. now he's just short, fat and lazy and does not deserve to be in the same field as the rest of my superstars.

sorry. i haven't had a good football talk in weeks D:



i've already been out the whole day for two days now. and today is my stay at home day. my room is 1/4 cleared. and hasif's got a party later :)

see ya'll!

the light at the end of the tunnel? it's bright :) (Pt1)

it's 2am in the morning and i just turned my computer on after spending 2 hours watching a replay of the arsenal vs partizan that i just watched yesterday at 4 am just so i can watch the goals and cause champions league video highlights are hard to come by and now i feel like i should blog. i do whatever i want whenever i want. with no (apparent) consequences. IT'S CALLED FREEDOM BABEH.

changed my template again. because this is how i feel now :) bright and loud and happy :)

big smiles yall.
spm's over yo :D
okay not really, i have est paper next week, but it's not counted :)

there's so many things to say and i don't know how to say it. hmm.

i know many of you can't relate or don't care about this. i didn't really care about seniors' spm exams because of that too last time. but spm is/was a huge thing in life you have to pass through. and this, is my closing ceremony to myself. :)

1. the very moment i finished my paper, i didn't feel like mad happy or anything. the only thing i felt was relief. about two days later, which is today, now, only i am feeling actual joy. i think i am overloaded with happyness now. i laugh at everything now. like lame stuff on the tv and internet and really, the stuff isn't funny -_- but to me it's absolutely amusing and fun! but. NOW i'm just sleepy la :)

2. because i don't have to study anymore. i don't have to physically sit myself down and do work for the majority of the hours of my day. i don't have to constantly worry about what i have to study next or how much time i have left to study. i don't half to worry about what i do anymore (in relation to studying of course)

3. then there's the standard holiday joy yang asas. can sleep late, wake up late, online like nobody's business, tv, stay home and do nothing or go out and do anything i want kinda freedom.

4. i put off a lot of things for the sake of this exam okay. 

  • my room is in a complete mess. and has been that way almost since before my first trials started.     

besides the unhealthy amount of dust, hair, and dirt, well. uh. 

there's a few piles of books that were strategically located around the room. like in between the bed and the cupboard. in between the cupboard and the drawer. underneath the dressing table. underneath the bed. between the bed and the wall. reference books, text books, notebooks, magazines.

and that is the entire perimeter of the room besides my door. 

and papers! LOTS AND LOTS OF PAPER! question papers, answer sheets, seminar notes, other notes, state papers, trial papers. 

and then clothes. behind the door, underneath the dressing table (yeah, with my books), on the bed, under the bed, next to the cupboard. rahhhh.

and then just clutter.

my father says it's psychological. there must be some underlying reason why i cannot keep my room tidy.
hmm. i insist it is because i don't want to waste time clearing things that are bound to explode unto the scene again and that sometimes i just don't have time and i don't want to or I AM LAZY. but he thinks i secretly hate my room or my lazyness will later affect me in life because it shows what type of personality i have.

  • there's also my overall health.
besides living in a hazardous room, and a country with a temperament weather, i'm pretty sure i blame being unhealthy on studying. spm had it's way of making me totally turned off by normal food. having no appetite to eat for the whole day is okay. but over a few weeks? i don't think so. i do eat complete meals, but those were rare, and probably compulsory or else people will actually think you are going on some stupid superficial diet when actually, you REALLY don't feel like eating much.

and no way you can find motivation to work out D: jogging? impossible. i stay rooted to a table with a book. 

and lots of sleep sacrificed -_-
the first week was history, that one really no choice lah. i mean this paper isn't easy. of course you try to read up as much as you can lah right. but it was okay. cause after the paper, there's time to go sleep cause the paper after that is 3 days away. but the two weeks later were the killerss man.

add maths is for me always a tiring paper. hello. full two hour and two and half hours of complicated equations that have numerous steps and each answer affects the next one so one careless mistake and DIEEEEEEE. to me lah anyway. i get the concept. it's the practical that's hard. o.o

it ended at 4.30, and then there's physics next day? i remember immediately after school, me and my tuition mates slaved it out till 8.30 studying okay. i went home, took a bath, and continued. till. well. late. about 2?

next day i came home after the paper and slept. and, i regret this alot, i claimed myself a one night break.

rubbish man. i know there were about 3 days before chem and one day before bio to study, but before spm started like duh right i study for earlier subjects. so then i kantoi myself lah.

chem and bio alot D:
slept late every night. friday, saturday, sunday, and at like 3am before the exam. and then monday night, and at 3.30 am the night before bio.
plus with the irregular eating and stress?

sick lah. fever -_- before and during bio paper. hey. in fact i still have it now.

running nose and all that also still have to study bio right? sigh.

plus you stress alllllll the timmmmeeeee. you study so much, and when you're not, you feel guilty, and like just plain SCARED LAH.

good thing? i lost weight. sampat right. about 3 kg kay. hee.

erm. i will continue this later after some sleep. it's like 4am now. 

it's like i purposely don't wanna get better right. stupid girl.