changed my template again. because this is how i feel now :) bright and loud and happy :)
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| big smiles yall. |
spm's over yo :D
okay not really, i have est paper next week, but it's not counted :)
there's so many things to say and i don't know how to say it. hmm.
i know many of you can't relate or don't care about this. i didn't really care about seniors' spm exams because of that too last time. but spm is/was a huge thing in life you have to pass through. and this, is my closing ceremony to myself. :)
1. the very moment i finished my paper, i didn't feel like mad happy or anything. the only thing i felt was relief. about two days later, which is today, now, only i am feeling actual joy. i think i am overloaded with happyness now. i laugh at everything now. like lame stuff on the tv and internet and really, the stuff isn't funny -_- but to me it's absolutely amusing and fun! but. NOW i'm just sleepy la :)
2. because i don't have to study anymore. i don't have to physically sit myself down and do work for the majority of the hours of my day. i don't have to constantly worry about what i have to study next or how much time i have left to study. i don't half to worry about what i do anymore (in relation to studying of course)
3. then there's the standard holiday joy yang asas. can sleep late, wake up late, online like nobody's business, tv, stay home and do nothing or go out and do anything i want kinda freedom.
4. i put off a lot of things for the sake of this exam okay.
- my room is in a complete mess. and has been that way almost since before my first trials started.
besides the unhealthy amount of dust, hair, and dirt, well. uh.
there's a few piles of books that were strategically located around the room. like in between the bed and the cupboard. in between the cupboard and the drawer. underneath the dressing table. underneath the bed. between the bed and the wall. reference books, text books, notebooks, magazines.
and that is the entire perimeter of the room besides my door.
and papers! LOTS AND LOTS OF PAPER! question papers, answer sheets, seminar notes, other notes, state papers, trial papers.
and then clothes. behind the door, underneath the dressing table (yeah, with my books), on the bed, under the bed, next to the cupboard. rahhhh.
and then just clutter.
my father says it's psychological. there must be some underlying reason why i cannot keep my room tidy.
hmm. i insist it is because i don't want to waste time clearing things that are bound to explode unto the scene again and that sometimes i just don't have time and i don't want to or I AM LAZY. but he thinks i secretly hate my room or my lazyness will later affect me in life because it shows what type of personality i have.
- there's also my overall health.
besides living in a hazardous room, and a country with a temperament weather, i'm pretty sure i blame being unhealthy on studying. spm had it's way of making me totally turned off by normal food. having no appetite to eat for the whole day is okay. but over a few weeks? i don't think so. i do eat complete meals, but those were rare, and probably compulsory or else people will actually think you are going on some stupid superficial diet when actually, you REALLY don't feel like eating much.
and no way you can find motivation to work out D: jogging? impossible. i stay rooted to a table with a book.
and lots of sleep sacrificed -_-
the first week was history, that one really no choice lah. i mean this paper isn't easy. of course you try to read up as much as you can lah right. but it was okay. cause after the paper, there's time to go sleep cause the paper after that is 3 days away. but the two weeks later were the killerss man.
add maths is for me always a tiring paper. hello. full two hour and two and half hours of complicated equations that have numerous steps and each answer affects the next one so one careless mistake and DIEEEEEEE. to me lah anyway. i get the concept. it's the practical that's hard. o.o
it ended at 4.30, and then there's physics next day? i remember immediately after school, me and my tuition mates slaved it out till 8.30 studying okay. i went home, took a bath, and continued. till. well. late. about 2?
next day i came home after the paper and slept. and, i regret this alot, i claimed myself a one night break.
rubbish man. i know there were about 3 days before chem and one day before bio to study, but before spm started like duh right i study for earlier subjects. so then i kantoi myself lah.
chem and bio alot D:
slept late every night. friday, saturday, sunday, and at like 3am before the exam. and then monday night, and at 3.30 am the night before bio.
plus with the irregular eating and stress?
sick lah. fever -_- before and during bio paper. hey. in fact i still have it now.
running nose and all that also still have to study bio right? sigh.
plus you stress alllllll the timmmmeeeee. you study so much, and when you're not, you feel guilty, and like just plain SCARED LAH.
good thing? i lost weight. sampat right. about 3 kg kay. hee.
erm. i will continue this later after some sleep. it's like 4am now.
it's like i purposely don't wanna get better right. stupid girl.
hee.
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