Pick Me

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

New perpectives

OMG hi gaiz. hi. omg.

Firstly, let's start with my wisdom tooth. Started to hurt on a Thursday night, when I was out with Matt and Willie to watch The Martian. I thought it was just a random gum inflammation or ulcer or whatever. But it started getting worse and worse and by Sunday I was legit going crazy because of the pain. I could barely eat anything seriously.

I don't have a regular dentist so I just parked my car in Taipan and walked up to the first one I saw. Apparently there are tons of dentists there lol. and yeap, dentist confirmed it was a wisdom tooth. She said I should give three days for antibiotics to reduce the swelling then only take it out.

But Friday I had a mid-term, and Saturday I had wedding. I was concerned about the pain, and food I wanted to eat lol. So I thought I could wait till next Monday. But during the week again I was dying even though I was on strong painkillers. So I was like whatever I'll just get it removed on Friday after my exam.

It didn't really hurt, because of the anesthetic. But boy did it bleed and bleed. and so ngam that Friday evening also my period cramps were onz like mad. One of my worst days ever. Even with painkillers.

Overall, during this time I was eating mostly porridge, soft noodles, juices, smoothies and whatever that wasnt hard to chew. By then i was planning to eat all the wonderful things of the world the moment my wound closed (i had stitches in my gums). Also, with the pain, busyness and other health restrictions, i wasnt really able to exercise or gym or whatever.

And then one really hectic week of uni passed by. and by Saturday morning i was so ready to play some captain ball and return to my normal life. and like 5 minutes into captain ball, I sprained my ankle. It wasnt a familiar pain, i've never got such a serious injury before. and it swelled up. and i couldnt walk. went to the doctor to get it checked. he gave some meds.

That Saturday and Sunday I couldn't walk at all. It was really depressing, as it the inconvenience of the whole situation really hit me. i couldn't go to church, couldn't drive or whatever. and I had to miss the Bethel concert.

The whole time I was trying keep positive, like maybe it isnt a bad sprain. but the swelling was bad, and the pain was bad and yeah. the more i had to come to terms with the consequences, the more upset i felt. I really thank God for good friends to encourage me. and my parents, who can't say nice things to me, but can really do nice things for me. its how they show their love.

Other than missing a concert, i was also worried about my big uni presentation, which was on Tuesday, that i couldnt miss. So every morning i woke up hoping to be able to walk. and i couldnt. i was literally dreaming that i could walk every time i fell asleep. that's how much you can take walking for granted.

well, praise the Lord. Tuesday morning i could walk. now, i had the option to get a wheelchair or crutches or whatever. but those seem more inconvenient for me and my friends who had to help me. but i could walk. so thats fine. besides my feet going into a hideous shade of purple, it was pretty fine.

another thing which i was concerned with was my dental stitches. which should have been out by Saturday. the longer they were there the higher the risk of another infection. so i thought might as well get it done with and then rest on thursday and friday.

well the week passed by. spending so much time on the couch due to my tooth and my foot really can drive you mad. the time passes by SO slowly, and yet SO quickly at the same time. and so bummed that i probably can't really run or exercise much in the next two months. no captain ball, no badminton :(

overall, i guess there were lessons for me to learn in all of it. for someone as proud as me, relying heavily on others and being handicapped really tested me mentally. and it will continue to be like that until my foot fully recovers. as of now, about 10 days after the incident, i can walk, but with a limp, and really slowly. really don't like people looking at me cos of how i walk. and if i walk too much, it swells up again. but my life has to go on like normal though, i have uni and other stuff. at least i can also drive now. i really missed driving.

kay lah not so terrible lah not like jason, ben, ye sheng or sharlene that like fractured their leg lah. don't want too much pity also. hahaha.

also, anything that requires lots of walking like SHOPPING also cannot. cry die me.

but at least all this helps me to sit down and just do the tons and tons of work i have.

at this moment too, me and su-ann are on the gm diet. you can look it up yourself. i lazy to justify it. but the diet is so strict and again I realize how much you can take eating for granted too lol.

crazy cravings for all types of food. halp me.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Where to go, what to do

Just trying to bounce my thoughts off myself for a sec. Yeah what a me thing to do rather than to discuss this with actual people.

Trying to decide where to intern. I both know and don't know why this is such a big decision for me. It will make a difference on my resume, it will change my perceptions on the field of work, and it will decide the people I get to meet. But at the same time, anywhere I go will be a good experience, both personally and professionally.

I really regret not doing a second internship earlier this year. Now that my upcoming internship is my last before I actually get a real job. Why is everything happening so fast suddenly har

Biggest crossroad at the moment is deciding between a big or small company. I know the pros and cons of both. and I don't know which one I prefer.

I know at this time I'm also a bit jaded with the current heaviness of the semester so I can't even begin to fathom myself starting to do actual work again which may be difficult and tedious. I don't know if I want to continue harping on the design train and do something I'm already good at, or take on new things like writing articles and managing social media (which seems boring and conventional) what do PR/Marketing interns even do anyway? Probably organize events again, or plan workshops etc.

Perhaps it's the blurred lines that comes with this field, social sciences that comprises of communications/media/design/pr/marketing/sales and I'm lucky enough to be able to do all those things. If I learned actual coding and web design I'll be unstoppable. the tech field has so much potential.

Gotta find some passion and ambition in my frame of mind, otherwise it's like just choosing blindly and hope for the best. or worst yet, choosing one for the sake of good pay.

maybe it's because i'm on the bed/couch for like 20 hours a day due to my injury.

i will probably blog about THAT when i'm less negative about it too.