reality bites.

i know for certain that i am not pms-ing because i know when it comes and goes and now, i am just plain sad. okay, i don't really like to use the word sad, i prefer more of upset.

i am upset. terribly. there must be some reason to why i am feeling so down these few days :(

i think it's because my weekends are so jam-packed and fun that when it comes back to a weekday, it goes down to nothing. like crash.

and it annoys me that i'm. alone. at. home. and anyone that i can go out with is busy. :( so silly right?

i can't even go for my stupid jog anymore cause Zechary's got college and i can't jog alone because constructions guys are stupid, and again, i don't have a stupid dog to go to my stupid jog with.

and my dad has work.

and yes, my stupid education. how am i supposed to know anything about it? i've researched all i can but sometimes stupid colleges and universities have stupid website that don't show any proper information.

and yes, my results are stupid because 9 stupid As sounds good and looks good but it really can't get me anything because there's 3 stupid A- there.

and i'm so sick of answering questions about what i'm gonna do now, because when i honestly say i don't know, i get some stupid look, and then what's stupider is people telling me what to do. i know some people mean well, but others are just stupid saying i should do this and do this.

and sometimes its the same stupid people saying the same stupid things.

and my crazy parents. and sometimes my crazy sister.

and this stupid weather.

and i hate my stupid spoiled friends.

and you know what? i don't even feel easy ranting all this frustration because i know it's not a good example and i shouldn't be so petty and i should be thankful for all the things i have already and i sound like i'm insane and that't not good because it gives a bad testimony.

but you know what? sometimes i'm tired of THAT.

i'm sorry, but i'm so tired of worrying about nothing and i can't even go for that stupid jog to clear my stupid head.

:(

ooonnniiiiooonnn!

busy busy weekends :) 

anyway, i'm sorry i ignore people who asked about my results. it's here, on this blog. which i know not everyone reads, so that's why it's here. 

sigh. i know i also don't like i don't care about everyone's results when i actually do. it's never in my nature to go and dig the living truth out of your soul kinda busybody, but when i do know or find out from somebody else i am actually very interested :)

i suppose i'm kiasu, but why not? not like your results matter anyway. ptuh.

but for goodness sake, i don't know how people are content with mediocrity. and act like they DIDN'T KNOW that not studying hard will get you bad results.

noobs.

worse is when parents are rewarding their stupid so called "achievement". man. 

okay i was actually in a good mood till i was writing this so this is where it ends :)

i can't wait for wedding pictures! :D

busybody.

okay i just wanna post more cause i like this scrawly messy handwriting :) good job blogger! now i can sound and look just like how i'm supposed to be. messy and inconsistent :)

looking into scholarships and programs online. very confusing.

help me.

:(

and then it was over

isn't it a must to post about spm results day?

i've written a whole other post that i don't mean to show to anyone but myself because there's always a story underneath it all and amazingly, i can't think of anyone who would even begin to understand how i feel, except God of course but still, i will not talk about major disagreements and disappointments.

well, i felt kinda really just chilling only lah. when they announced all the names of the straight A students i was definitely disappointed :( then i knew it was surely my bm's fault, but of course suddenly thoughts of anything else bad happening started running through my mind :(

when we had to go to our class line, me, debbie and adeline kinda waited at the back lah. i mean, why rush? D: scary sial man. then people around us showed us their results or were extremely happy or extremely sad. er? D:

when i actually went to take i was freaking out already. bad memories man. when i went to take my pmr results my class teacher was kinda silly :( just before i even had any eye contact with her she already told me my results. thanks alot. i didn't even have time to process it. man :(

so for these results i made sure pn regina did not tell me ANYTHING about my results. i grabbed it, covered it and signed my name.

eventually i did look at it lah of course. you can look away now if you want. this is all for documenting purposes :)

first thing i saw was my B for bm >:( agh.
and the rest A's :)

at first that's all i wanted to acknowledge lah. then had to make calls. daddy, mummeh, and jie. they are the only ones i am obligated to tell.

i felt quite stone at first lah.

then we went to lunch. so long to decide. sigh. i forced them to go pizza hut at taipan :) zhe kai and chin hua drive. hehe :)

then sitting in the car only i looked at the paper la.
A+ for english, HISTORY???, maths, CHEMISTRY???, and est
A for add maths
A- for BIO?, moral, and physics
and that stupid B.

A+ for history and chem? you want to hear my track record for history?
28, 53, 66, 70.
28 cause of mssd LAH.

and chem?
66, 49, 70, 73.

and then A+? crazy right :D

i remember during the exam... history i didn't follow the tips at all, the mike mahen tips everyone was crazy about, and lucky didn't too, the tips were wrong D: haha. but at the same time it was hard lor :(

add maths i was hoping for A+ but it's okay la :)

physics and moral A- i happy adi.

bio lah. expected at most A :(
sigh.

anyway, i miss school. and everybody.

the rest of the day was super stone only, replied the messages i wanted to reply, ignored the rest. didn't really wanna talk about it either -_- but alot of people whom i didn't know very well or i didn't even know their results were congratulating me. like, uh?

i went for a jog by myself. i love running :) but then i got my period cramps so i only ran a lil.

at night me, my sis, jeannie, nick and steph went to church to arrange chairs for irene jie's wedding :)
quite fun lah the deco also :)

anyway. so that's it really :)

i really missed seeing my juniors :)