Funny how many mistakes have to happen before things get right.
Funny how you can make yourself believe in what you think is right.
Again I have to say the length and span of the future scares me more than it excites me, but I guess I can't always worry about things I cannot control. It just takes someone to tell me that when bad things come, it can be solved together, slowly but surely.
A lot of times I pride myself on being an objective realist, but at the same time someone idealistic can be so refreshing to help me let go of having a compulsive need to be sane, grounded and rational. Obviously those things are not bad to me, just that sometimes it's tiring to whack hopeful situations out of the air like slow, fat flies.
But mostly I feel like recently all my worries have been validated. The things I thought would or would not happen really did happen in some way even from my expectations from the very beginning of time. So yes me being extra cautious or 'safe' did have its payoffs though now the mature and necessary thing to do is actually to walk in the direction you feel like you have to go, rather than sit and watch safely from afar.
So in the end I'm ultimately grateful. For everything bad and good. I hope you can guess that things are more good than bad now for me to sound as such; it's a path I'm not walking alone on for the first time. I'm really appreciating this.
[But these underlying worries tho will they ever go away]
Just waiting for something bad to happen heh k bai goodnight happy valentines
