it's really red.

yez, new layout. hopefully i'll stick to it. because i'm so fickle. my designer part has been raging on lately, and i have a sudden need to customize everything to a tee. i'm feeling like red now, not turquoise, coral, honey or purple. i bet, though, it doesn't signify a single thing. i love the fact that i've found the perfect pixel size for proper alignment, just LOOK at my sidebar and i dare you to not be impressed with it, reminder for self, its 270 pixels!

and i'm vain enough now to compile, edit, and post a proper sidebar photo, i'll probably never change it again. because i don't usually take that many decent photos of myself.

why the sudden motivation for all this? i saw this girl's blog, and i jeles. simple as that. :)

goodnight fatsos.

super trooper.

sigh. i wish people knew what was good for them, then again, if i were in their position, i wonder if i'd know how to control myself either. even thinking about it now makes my brain itchy.

why is the line between what's right and what's wrong such a thin and subjective one?

we like to rationalize. that's why. even though it's bad, we think, it's not THAT bad, i'm not hurting anybody. and whatever's good is too boring, and too traditional.

well, you can struggle with it all you want, but it shows what kind of person you are, with such little integrity.

y u so noob!?

makes me think that dependable people are getting extinct, and the one i have, i won't let go. because some things are more important than looks, money, or charm. 

sigh. 

i've had a slew of crazy dreams again over the past few days, the same kinds of dreams i always have, lost in the middle of some old uncivilized area, being chased by people, and shamefully, clothes that i can't afford. i wonder though, is there some deep metaphorical meaning to all this, or my brain has problems with it's images at night.

can you believe exam is next week! already have to think about missing out on two parties on the weekend, eh? what's this? i have to sacrifice which one now? study? 

blehhhhhhhhhh.

oh how faaaaabulous.

bye. :)

fire.

okay, i edited this, because i thought i really ought to post SOMETHING, because i'll regret later on for my own sake.

well, today, a 'special' few of us had to go to the mpb for a 'special' motivational talk on achieving our goals. and all that cliched stuff. really, it's so easy to say, and heck yes, i'd love to set these things you call targets and work hard and make schedules to study and sacrifice fun, well, it's easier said than done isn't it?

sitting there trying to project a mixed face of i-honestly-don't-care-about-what-you're-saying with interested-robot-face, i was wondering, how did i get myself here? i've never been in a position where my motivations were questioned. thinking about it, we're 19! we can think for ourselves, this talk isn't going to be a life-changing revolutionary wake up call okay.

they asked if we had motivation, that you'd push yourself every day, from the moment you get out of bed. and this year i have been resolving to do better. i ask God for strength to face another stressful, hot, tiring, and humid day, and that somehow i might even be productive from it. and then i go to sleep, thankful to God for helping me through another stressful, hot, tiring, and humid day without emotional scratches.

and that one day, i'd look back and realize how trivial, minute, and insignificant these moments of weaknesses are, when God has made my life a series of many wins and wonders.

so i'd say, God is main motivation. and i'm surprised by how uh, for lack of a better word, chilll, i've been about things that usually seek to press all my buttons.

i'm still deeply flawed, i hope you all know that i know that too. but it's okay if you don't love me on valentines day, because God loves me everyday. :)

i'm hungry, bye.

:D

magic in a bottle.

i'm afraid this might come off as another shallow post, but i can't sleep now so i've got exhaust myself somehow, right? okay, i just thought of tetris... nah. i'll try not to. it's so silly cause yesterday i had a 3 hour nap but already felt sleepy by 11, and today i didn't nap at all and its almost 1 and i'm still like a freaking energizer bunny. and it's going to bite me in the butt tmr because i'll be in school till 5. D:

so here goes. i'm gonna discuss about my nail polish today. :) haha. yeah.

i love nail polish, and polishing nails. i find it a calming use of my time, when i'm not too busy of course, and it helps when i'm in a bad mood.

it appeals to the girly primpy side of me which i assure you isn't always that prominent. and sometimes when i feel quite like a boy i look to my nail polish and remind myself i'm as girly as i want to be. and maybe it isn't so bad because i do have the boy-side of me to balance things out and pooh since when is anyone so one dimensional anyway?

i guess it also appeals to the designer in me (cheh wassup man). why not? bottles of all shades and colors, pastel and neon, metallics and glitter, pale and bright. isn't an extension of art in some way? and the infinite amount of designs and patterns and combinations! please try not to imagine those uber long nails with crazy diamond stick-ons and tacky leopard prints okay.

it probably also is a cry for attention. HEY LOOK AT MY NAILS AND COMPLIMENT THEM. and then compliment my skills yo. haha. i've only ever had one mani pedi in my lifetime, and i wouldn't ever consider spending that much money on it again, unless it's a once a year thing or after major exams thing. :) i also have a much rarer taste in nail polish colours than the generic crowd. anything neon is a yes. though difficult to find. what scares me is the amount of different types of pink i have D:

i also take good care of my nail polishes. i have almost 50 bottles and i care for all of them. i'm intelligent ;) enough to know which brands are good, so they last longer. sorry, i do not care for cheap nameless polishes. :) unless they're the really good knockoffs of the opi collection. kind of collector's items lah.

yes. long day tmr.

i have to post on cny soon. mmhmm.
goodnight. :)