Different mornings

Was reminded on Sunday of God's unconditional love for us. The week before that was tough for me, as you can see in my previous post, and at the same time having very deep conversations about God and faith. I really needed a reminder like this. 

There's so many aspects and characteristics of God and Christianity that we know and understand and try to make it logical and relatable to ourselves and our friends. You can only be motivated by so many things, but in the end when we remember that it is how much God loves us that should be our very foundation of thought and action.

A love so profound and unconditional that it would never even occur to you to look in another direction away from Him. that you would want everything in your life to be about Him because we are drawn to His love and all it helps us to be.

I could say so much more, I think we all know it, but let it sink in and move you away from negative realities but towards peace, love, joy and everything good. 

It's true sometimes religion raises more questions than it answers and I don't know how to convince someone who lives their life without knowing this kind of love, to want to look for it in the first place. But we rely on the fact that it will change their entire life and there's no other love like the love of God.

Infinite thoughts

Hello I really don't know what to do and how to be and where to go and who to turn to and when it will get better. Getting so annoyed with myself lately and how immature I'm being.

One of the biggest reasons I probably miss Korea so much is the fact that I got to take leave of everything here for a while and be independent and not have to deal with these certain things. In that time everyone is great, everything is fine and nothing will bother me.

And now I feel like it's so...saturated with things i just don't know how to accept and react to properly.

I've mentioned it before, maybe it's just because my life is in holiday mode at the moment and when everyone else is doing their own thing i can only sit and watch and be inferior. If i had more things to distract myself with.

Because in all good perspective, I actually have really nothing at all to complain about. Its just small things here and there that are probably making me form irrational conclusions of hopelessness but when I list them out (and I have many times, just to make sure I'm not going crazy), it's actually really nothing. nothing at all.

Or that's just what i tell myself. I don't know. I don't know anything.

Immovable objects

Have I ever been the type to be paranoid, sensitive and insecure? Maybe, when I was like 13, 14, 15 yrs old. and since then I think I've been doing okay. I explicitly try very much to not be those things and I thought to a certain extent I was pretty mature and that my character has been improving.

normally, i ask myself: why am I feeling like this? and I can honestly and objectively answer it to myself which helps me straighten out my feelings and then it will surely pass.

but now i do that and i'm still upset almost all the time.

and i guess it really comes down to feeling insecure about myself in some ways which i never thought i was. 

my confidence in this aspect of myself must have been based on very unstable foundations. and i guess it links itself amongst my current dilemmas.

and what about emotions that don't just linger but also get more distractedly stronger. and i feel like i'm going backwards.  

maybe i just don't like things changing. nobody does and people generally have a tough time with that don't they? i'm not crazy, these are valid concerns am i right?

also, my pride refuses me to talk it through with anybody. fantastic joys of being me.