Reality isn't kind

Okay, this is me closing off this phase of my life.

Funny, because this is not like a decision i can make and leave everything behind. I've tried a few times already and obviously i has only backfired BUT i suppose that i can purpose myself to get off the ground that i felt like i was bolted on.

My final exams are over, and my only other significant future milestone in my formal education would be to officially graduate in october or november. Which means now i am officially not a student, and supposed to be a full-on functioning adult.

My last and final complaints about the semester. I've said it a million times to anyone willing to listen so here is the last and no more, no more complaints.

Final exams were actually pretty easy, and is much preferred to another bunch of assignments. I guess in comparison to other more academic subjects and majors, my degree in mass comm was very much assignment focused because you can't learn what you're about to face in the working world through a lecture or a textbook. it's about experience and while i know three years we had barely scratches the surface of the future, that glimpse of it already scares me.

I've always been a more studying person that an assignment person. I'm the kind the likes to sit down and read and study more than to get up and do something. it's kind of like my personality i guess lol.

So my assignments really defeated me this sem. I would say I'm not proud of the person i was under all the pressure. but it is over and i hope i did good enough.

I'm thankful for a lot of things in Taylor's. The friends of course, and just really appreciative of the kind of campus life i had. it's not perfect, but i'm done complaining.

well there was uni, and some other stuff going on, which also should have some sort of final closure to it as well. the past half of 2016 just really made me grow up a lot. it was a very tough phase of life and all i wanted was for it to end. and it did. not without it's consequences which will definitely carry on, but let's contain in, accept it, forgive, and forget.

I don't know anything else about what will happen in the future, and it's both difficult and easy to surrender everything into God's hands. I'm glad for all the things i've learned and how much i think i've grown. I know God can purpose me into anything He wants for me, in His way, and His timing.

A lot of times my biggest struggle is when other people's lives and other things get to move and change so much around me, but I have to sit, wait, be patient, and sometimes feel trapped by my own self or my circumstances around me. at the same time being unsure of the actions i'm taking because it can feel like i'm forcing things to happen which won't end well, or being so caught up in not doing anything that you miss all the right opportunities.

So this is my conclusion now, is to focus again on the basics. the foundations of all my roles and responsibilities in life. as a family member, a friend, a leader, a discipler, a servant, a Christian, an adult, as a member of my community and nation. It's simple, but think again of how much better you can be in each of those areas of your life. well those roles aren't going to include 'a student, or a girlfriend' for any indefinite period of time.

In my few months of being an empty shell of a soul i realized a lot those roles were easily disposable to me and how you can lose yourself in what you're doing.

At the end you have to think of which ones carry the most value to you. first class honors cannot define me as well as my relationships can. granted its the motions of life that you try to excel in, but remember to count the costs as well.

I just feel a healthier version of myself right now. More me. :)