the way the stars fall from the skies.

hellllo blog. how are you.

i thought i'd blog out some stuff first, before I forget.

since i've had a holiday since thursday, i've been sleeping really well. i mean, i study a lot, and till about 2 every night, and wake up fresh and happy at about 10 every morning, and make sure i don't nap in the afternoons. so, with all this sleeping, comes a lot, of dreaming. uninterrupted by alarm, parents, birds, etc.

i dream the things i usually dream off, like moving into a bigger house with my family. with rooms that have their own bathrooms and walk-in-closets. :p

and also getting a galaxy s3 from my dad. which i refused to accept. i am sooo noble. :p

but last night freaked me out the most. because i dreamt of my granpa.

and i woke up and cried and cried and cried till i couldn't breathe and swelled up, and after i got up to drink some water, i replenished tear fluid and managed to cry some more. then lay in bed from 5am to 6am feeling very sorry for myself. :(

i've had sad, cry-ey dreams before, but then i'd wake up and realize everything is okay and stop crying.

but i dreamt about my yehyeh and all the great things he was, and my memories with him and the cousins when we were younger. and how tired and upsetting the wake services and funeral were. and i cannot imagine the extent of what my granma felt/feels when losing the one you've loved for so long. and how my dad and uncles feel, losing their father. and when i woke up, i just felt so empty, and so lost.

like him cooking in the kitchen, lifting weights with the radio playing elvis songs, eating his weird breakfast meals with the newspaper.

i'm not even a meltdown sort of person, your feelings shouldn't dictate how you feel. you make decisions to get on with life right. and of course i've moved on, my yehyeh's in a better place now. but i am allowed to miss him right? :(

how i really really wished he was still in our lives. that he could get to know eric and cow, and be proud of shaun in sarawak, and telling marcus and i to study hard now.

i feel fine now, i mean, i just watched arsenal beat west ham 3-1 and i'm in a good mood.

but i really don't know what brought about my sudden emotional haywire last night. it's not near his birthday, or anniversary of his death, or anything.

again, I'm really thankful he got to know Jesus and he's in heaven. imagine how we'd all feel if he didn't know Jesus.