i don't know what to say no more.

you know i only say it when i really need to, and otherwise i can deal with it, but sometimes it is overwhelming isn't it. i'm only human.

i don't like being so cryptic and mysterious here, but i can't simply say what i want to say without consequences.

basically life is like that anyway.

i don't know what's up this time. i am a 100% sure i'm able to detect pms symptoms, so i know this isn't one of it. and it's probably the same issue that repeats itself every once in awhile. and each time i thought i dealt with it already, but the next time it occurs, it seems to hit me harder than before.

maybe i have some fundamentally wrong coping system. well, it can't be as wrong as or more wrong as like, drugs, alcohol or abuse or whatever, but what i'm doing isn't very healthy emotionally either. or is it? nobody has a sure method in dealing with their problems.

yes, my rant is seeming more and more pointless.

i'm going to blame this bout of emotion on a few things.

1. studying is a bad-mood inducer. duh. it makes us all grumpy and frumpy. or just stpm. being frustrated that until now, when my stpm is in less than three months time, i am still FAILING my subjects.

2. probably my sister's absence. i don't really miss her that much, it's just nice to have someone to talk to other than my parents. it's nice to not be frustrated at her, because when she makes me mad, she makes me madder than anyone can, really. but when i'm annoyed with my parents, i suddenly have no one to distract me from it!

3. friends. it seems like i'm always worrying about them. yes, wah i sound so noble and selfless here. but it's not like that. i don't know why this has never happened before in previous phases of my life, but now it's like i always have to worry about the bad decisions my friends make, or am i being over-analytical, or in fact not being a good friend at all by not telling them? or should they learn from their mistakes themselves and i'll just be there at the end? or know that they'll be too stubborn to see that they're wrong, and i have to see them live with their decisions, i'd rather just ignore them entirely as a friend. or what if they're not wrong, I'M WRONG! why am i so judgmental in the first place!

4. poor eating habits. :)

i know God will take care of me no matter what, i'm just insecure for awhile now. i'll be fine!