but i would just sit and stare o.o

hello all :)

first things first, i will not apologize for the lack of updates. I is busy okay.

secondly, this is non-related, but i feel like telling you, my ear is bleeding like nobody's business. okay, maybe its not blood, its transparent. but it's not pus either. plasma? idk, but it flowing and flowing out of the pierced part of the left ear. yuch. it doesn't hurt. but its disgusting.

thirdly, i have training tmr :( i mean, yay, but sigh. mssd makes me worry like an auntie. and sometimes when you think about it too much, you just lose your mood. i've been losing sleep thinking about it. i think my 100m is on monday. no, i don't hafta take exam :)

i don't know why i am numbering my posts, so i'll stop.

:)

you know i say how much i love all of you? sometimes i don't. i really don't. sometimes.

i mean you guys at school.

i feel like i'm being insulted all the time :( YES, i know you are joking, i know i'm 'bully-able', i know i seem like i don't care, but sometimes its too much okay. i don't say these kinda things to you whyy lah. i'm only mean to debbie, and she doesn't say anything bad about me to me at all :)

what lah. too fat, too thin, non-stop comments about my white hair, the EH?you go mssd ah?sure lose wan, and alot more lah.

i beh tahan. especially if it comes from the same people all the time. you'd think they would have a better conversation topic? but no. noobs.

blah. stupid kesha and her new song.

:)

happy friday public holiday yo :)

and it was all yellow :D

yellow is a nice color okay. shut up.

say its nice.

:)

for you i try my best :)

so i was wrong.

i thought the new year holidays would be very inconvenient, you know all that time wasted visiting everyone, time that could be well spent on projects and training.

this out of nowhere smack in the centre of the month holiday disrupts my multi-tasking overachiever mode. hmph.

but it helped me relax alot. my projects can die lah. and i got jog :)

and stupid period came today. i can say it is the single most inconvenient thing a girl can go through. i was supposed to go to mpsj with debbie this morning, but my gawd, i can barely stand let alone run right? cramps lah.

and i can't say i'm happy that school starts on monday. i don't mind seeing all the noobs and buddies :D but not looking forward to homework and training again lah.

it takes alot of willpower to not just want to give up and run away.

so how was my week? it was okay :)

friday night adi had family dinner. a rm600 dinner okay. and then saturday again. and then the compulsory sunday lunch.

then we visited my granduncles and my great-grand auntie. and met elaine too :D

does it bother anyone how much cny is centered on food? i mean, all we do anywhere at anytime is eat. and not in moderation either. sigh.

on wednesday, we spent a day with the ng's. after lunch, we went there to, yeah, bake a pie, quite randomly. and even had dinner there. haha. they are like relatives to us lah :D

and bla i don't want to bother you all with anymore of these stories.

on the second day, we visited my granpa at the columbarium. (i had to google the spelling okay, because even blogger couldn't spell it out for me)

Wikipedia: A columbarium is a place for the respectful and usually public storage of cinerary urns (i.e., urns holding a deceased’s cremated remains)

i miss him. i keep thinking, it was just last cny when he was still around. and the things we do every year for cny are the same, and he's just not there. i expect the rest of the year to be harder, you know, his birthday, the anniversary of his passing.

:(

okay, i give you happy stories.

uh.

1. saw kyle and yi jan for a day before they left for ns camp again :) one is bald, and one is tan :D

2. arsenal were noobs at porto (not happy for me, but happy for some of you)

3. i got to wear dresses :D

4. i have some obsession with yellow now :D

5. on monday i get to see my lil talent search helpers and what i asked them to do. and if not good, i get to yell :D see, all their effort, all my judgement :D

6. had a whole box of jpops (um, mini jco donuts)

7. new year cookies and chocolates which will last long till christmas!

8. i found all the pendrives i've ever lost! haha! its 0 for 0 on the pendrive curse.

9. my room is cleaned and rearranged. i like being in it now :)

10. i have sunglasses :)

there is no path of least resistance.

this never fails to make me laugh :)

heyyo :)

i think, i am *ooh glee marathon :D* i forgot what i wanted to say, let's just write, unhappy.

i mean, yay, cny, holidays, new clothes, sort of new phone, ang pao, visiting etc etc, but there are alot of things to be unhappy about :(

not that i want to focus on it and emphasize it, but i'm really bothered. by alot of things.

firstly, this may be a touchy issue lah.

i don't like how all these people are claiming they are christians and they love God but giving SUCH a bad impression. honestly? what? really? they are barely civil and they are 'encouraging' people to know God when they themselves can barely be nice.

not that this was done personally to me, and not like i'm a saint either. so yeah. who am i to say right? but if i was better i'd be more outspoken about how much i love God, because i really do :) but some of you act as if there is no moral compass in your head, how can others believe you?

i know people who are christians, and man, there's really something special about them. they are always friendly, almost always smiley and positive, and seem to know what's their purpose in life, and i admire them :)

but some of you, let's say, there's no difference between you and some other person.

secondly, i know, you can look away and throw up if you want, olahraga :(

hah, this week was horrible. i can barely do anything, and i want to compete in a district level competition? so yes, each and every training session i go to is important, and if on consecutive days even better.

so how? i haven't had any proper exercise since...i dunno, monday? and this cny week isn't my freeest week either.

and thinking about it on and on and on and on. sigh.

thirdly, wherrreeee has alll my moneyyy gonnnneeee (yes, i want to sound whiny)

i started with 100 bucks on the first week of february, which rm20 more than my monthly allowance. it is now the day before cny, and i have NOTHING. and no, i will not use my ang pao money for normal use.

i need to have better money management.

fourthly, am i the only one worrying about spm adi?

that sounds so lifeless right, but with every passing day when i learn newer and more complicated things, i can almost see the whole year flashing by and next thing i know i get 1 A for english and am doomed to being a maid. i can barely make form 4 understandable to myself, do i even have enough brain space?

yah. so what's my problem again? lol. i can keep myself happy somehow. i have a charmaine i can talk to for anything :) and of course, without God, i'd go crazy.

committed?

yello :)

i didn't get the lowest in tuition today, YAY :)

i had some freak gastric attack from nowhere today, and its not like i don't eat. and i have a dry sore throat. so all these things are telling me i don't eat enough and i don't drink [water!] enough, but i so am, so i think my body is just throwing a fuss.

yah. so last monday i went into class and all the guys at the back were like aww :( because arsenal lost. sigh. and LOL it could happen again this monday, but the thing abt football is you learn how to let go and go on :)

did not go jogging or training this whole week. sigh. and i finished alot of homework this week because of that.

i have also finished watching all 13 episodes of glee sigh, i don't know if season two also got yet or not.

somehow i had alot of homework to do on wednesday, but none to do by thursday.

i distinctly remember actually watching two episodes of glee on that day itself, and after it was done i was like WOAH so much hw ah? and i kept yelling at my books because yes, inanimate objects can be stupid and frustrating.

i needed a break, so i walked out to meet zack outside school. we barely made it past school then it started to rain, so he walked me back lol. and somehow, that helped alot, it made me continue doing homework :)

so i could go to the ng's place.

on thursday was nick's birthday :) yes he is 16 now! in the prime of his youth! and still young! lol. one of my oldest and best friends. nice to see you grow up so well nick :)

yeah, we went to kemuning to surprise him. yeah on a school night! first time weh :)

but we got lost and ended up in some ulu part of klang instead. reached there an hour late. i really thank God we're okay, didn't kena arrested LOL, or didn't end up in somewhere worse, or no petrol, and that we kept getting so many calls cause everyone worried about us. yeah.

came home at 12 -_- and i woke up this morning with like sore throat and stomach ache lah. yeesh.

today didn't do much at school either, talk alot loh.

and tmr is sports day. i think i am running lah. i dunno -_-?

i always ask myself, why do i want to be in the olahraga. the training hours are long and tiring, i'm not even that fast or have that much stamina, and i am scared to death of competing at mssd because of last year.

if i had any talent, and knew i could win something, then it'd be okay. but since i don't, i feel like i'm being more idealistic than realistic. maybe i just want the title, because it sounds cool :) and the training makes you more fit, and you feel healthier and you get full koko marks :D. i don't know. but it is very tiring, and i do know that my studies will suffer abit for the march test.

but if there's one reason i know why i'm still there, it's because i love running :) the feeling of running without feeling like you wanna faint/throw up/die is amazing :) and thats what it is, passion :) if you love something and you are willing to work hard for it, why won't you succeed in it? and i have God on my side. i can deal with disappointment.

haha. i think about this alot. sigh. and feel like just quitting all the time, or wishing i could turn back time and start training earlier. whatever.

and i don't find anybody sharing this passion with me either. i don't know. i never asked. but they don't seem like they do. whatever.

i'm no kantha :)

right. see you guys?