Divination; Merry Christmas!

beautiful mornings with my beautiful girls :)

i know i always complain that it's crazy to have to give presents to so many people every year. well, the more friends you have that you care about the more you want to (not have to, but sort of) bless them with christmas presents.

well, over the years, the elite few who get to receive presents from me have become not so elite and more and more people have creeped their way into my list. 

and if you think about it, it gets very overwhelming. to think of what to give, that is thoughtful and personal yet doesn't blow your budget to smithereens. AND THEN YOU HAVE TO WRAP THEM.

yeah. and then you have to think, hmmm, have i gotten them this before? my gawd. for girls, the jewellery will run its course won't it? but at least there's lots of girly stuff to give. wtheck do guys want??? 

sigh, and then some years you put so much effort (and money) into people's presents and all you get back from them is a (cheap) bar of chocolate. potong like madness.

but believe it or not, this year isn't that for me at all. for the first time. :D 

i put in serious thinking of what to get for 90% of all of you. except one or two which is getting you something for the sake of it. :p and i honestly couldn't care less if all you gave me was a hug and throw glitter at me. or if you didn't give me a thing at all.

same as my birthday.

i'm actually scared that all this is because i'm becoming more cold and hostile, but for now, i'm going to steer the positive way and say i'm probably just growing up. you know? :)

i have amazing friends, and knowing them, they don't show love by giving gifts because i'm sure as anything that that's not how i show love too. 

christmas isn't a chore, and presents are not obligations. it's just a reminder to put in effort to show your friends that despite your terrible (and cheap) gift choices, the my-dog-ate-your-present-and-then-spit-it-out wrapping condition, the drunken like handwritten tags, and everything in between, you still love them and want to bless them with something that might even minutely make their day sliggghhhtttlllyyy better. :)

so give a packet of tissue for christmas. i dare you.

cheers to another christmas with all my loved ones.

and omgsh, 500th post. :)

double feature!

jozef :(

i'm beginning to think i sound a lil preachy and depressing on my blog, which totally doesn't represent me entirely. 

i'm actually very super awesome. it's just that i choose to use my blog as my emotional garbage can. so all my nonsense is here, so i can focus all my energy onto being awesome in my non-cyber life :)

well. :) i don't know if the blogger blog stats are lying or not but there are apparently real people that come here to read this stuff, so, i can post happy stuff too.

sort-off happy stuff. it's actually very sad. :( :B

firstly, as promised, camp! :)

i got to be on the committee this year, and it's a whole different level of tiring.

mmhmm. like, the moment classes finished, the entire week before camp was for camp stuff only. 

annnnd my sister's 21st birthday. :) and not to distract from all that fun, friends and family stuff, but the salmon omelet i had was the bomb.

:)

okeh.

yes. camp committee. 

spent a lot of time in the church office with clement, matthew and ryan, and on saturday morning with almost the whole committee too.

i forgot how fun doing stuff in church was with fun people. we used to that a long time ago right? its always cold and we're always hungry and always making too much noise. :) 

even for vbs also. and now we're all busy and stuff we don't do that anymore.

yep. so sunday.

i was using my new luggage bag. have you noticed? it's awesome. yes, it's a big dilemma choosing between my new cute cartoon luggage or my old twelveans olahraga limited edition bag. notice how proud i am of my twelveans olahraga limited edition bag when nobody actually says hey! that's a cool bag? what's the story behind it? and i get to tell you my olahraga phase that wasn't actually very successful but it sounds cool and i got free stuff? yeah.

that's why i chose new bag. welcome to camp.

it's still big enough to fit everything and my mini pillow, so no worries there :D

got the chalets again, but the bungalow side one this year. with una, faya, clarissa, and sarah steevan. :) hehe. they so fun :)

it would be pointless to describe all 4 days and 3 nights to you. i'm just going to tell you the stuff that IIIIII want to take note of.

committee meetings every night. which is okay, because, lights self destruct at 11? too early for me. anyway. meetings run till 1ish.

and i made sure i made it to morning prayer this year.

first day i made it 6.10. second day was 6.30. last day no show. progress is progress. :)

i must make myself clear that every year my pre-period pms strikes during camp. and this year is actually the first year where i've noticed the pattern, and realize my grumpyness is not caused by the lack of sleep or lack of alone time. :)

if i just made myself sound more crazy then well.....

games were fun, and omgsh disclaimer, despite the game being called 'laura says' and me looking like a boss at the station, it is all meng chern's idea. i'm just there to look cool wan. :)

every session was great too, and everybody's prophecy? really great :) i guess a prophecy is too personal to share here, but i want to remember that it was spot on, and very encouraging. and i hope it was for everybody too. :)

morning prayer too, because so many people made it :) wow.

and beach! :)

and the last day. i'm going to be careful on how i describe this day. :)

well, it was my birthday. :) and yes, it brings another set of emotions, that in concordance with fatigue and pms, probably made me seem more grumpy, then i'm sorry. :(

i didn't want anything special at all during camp, because well, i felt it would distract from camp. i don't know how self absorbed i am that i think a birthday song for me would take attention away from God and camp, but that's how i feel lah. you know? i was actually totally okay if nobody wished me at all? which is a first.

see this is a sign of maturity. ;p

but all in moderation. my bus did sing for me. :) thank you!

and i sat with joycelyn and we talked the whole way back. about everything, past, present and future. :) friends for about 10 years already? :)

despite the bus tyre puncture too.

then back at church! and suddenly you remember how tired and dehydrated you are.

jie fetched me back. and after i shower i slept. really long and really well. :) 

then joseph's farewell. :) 

and my birthday sort-of-i-don't-really-know surprise.

jie belanjaed me subway. and we went to mcd. we tapaoed the whole playground side section.

me, jie, nat, nick, steph, mae, boon, joseph, julian, joel, kyle, paul, jamie, eugene, kelvin, irving, pearly, meng chern, ryan, rhys, sean, terence, and daven. i thiiinnk thats everyone.

:)

after mcd we went to baskin robbins. i went to fetch faya first. then we went into baskin robbins and they sang for me :) and for joseph. with cake! :) 

again, i'm not the type that likes this kinda thing, but i'm very grateful all the same. and jie belanjaed my ice cream. :) ho yeah! :) rhys offered too! 

and we all just talked lor. and we made it so noisy. like we always do.

just as we were about to leave we prayed for joe, and they prayed for me.

i miss you joseph! :( you better be reading my blog regularly. 

it'll be hard getting used to you not being around. who are we gonna say our racist jokes to anymore? no more friday night suppers? no more ejek-ing your car and your phone? and your 67 girlfriends? no more movies? and you're not even celebrating christmas and cny with us! no more of your high pitched voice or dolphin laugh?

haha. it's just 6 months or 1 year right? right.

bye for now.

gots another dinner tonight.

like waiting for paint to dry

with jack and sarah :) they're really nice!

alrightey. camp post will be up soon. no way i'm gonna forget about camp. :)

and maybe a short one of my birthday.

otherwise.

things are happening again. and it's almost the same, though the sequence of events is a lil different.

what hasn't changed is how i feel.

which is ridiculous! hor!

it's been two years, wait, THREE years (-_-) and it scares me that i still cannot juggle feelings with judgement.

the only progress that i've made is knowing my judgement sucks and that it's better to not have these sort of feelings at all. and it's been a long time since.

all i can remember and have observed since is that it's easy to lose proper judgement amidst of mushy feelings. emotions take hold of you so easily and it's more convenient to choose to act on what makes you happy temporarily and for all the wrong reasons instead of acting on what's best and what's right.

and even more so when there are not many examples of people doing the latter isn't it?

there's a lot of emphasis on not over-thinking things and just risking it, but that's crazy.

these things require so much more otherwise it has consequences that'll affect you for a long time.

and i've been through all that already. and phwoar it's super tiring. -_-

omgsh.

it's so easy to hope for the best and jump in with my eyes closed and to imagine life going happily ever after.

hor.

i want this to happen, but with as little mistakes as possible. and making sure it's okay with God. and my friends and family.

i'm so scared to make the same mistake i made last time. and i'll pray hard for the very best.

<3

:)

ps. hadn't had a mushy feeling in a while now.