Twenty Fourteen so far.

I've edited my blog again, to suit my color mood.

Obviously, pink is a big deal to me. I can't get enough of it, especially this current shade that so happens to be splashed so unabashedly all over my blog :D

I don't know if I've ever tried to convince all of you how amazing pink is as a color, and why it appeals to me way more than any other color. Yes, even more than those amazing hues of blue, green, teal and turquoise.

I will one day, buzzfeed style. ;)

Well, I'm trying to make my blog more practical for the year. Being cryptic and sentimental is so 2010. Hahah. I'll try to make the titles actually be functional towards the posts kay. Content wise though, I can't say I'll divert much :( The big issues in my life which are hard to say out loud and put in audible words will be here, and then mostly recaps of events and stuff.

Since January, I've been interning in EY in Damansara. I'm surprised not many people don't know that it's a top 4 audit firm, or maybe just trying to connect ME to an audit firm is just too ridiculous. Heh.

Working here has really helped me learn a lot honestly, about life. I'm reasonably free at work lah, I mean, I redesigned my layout and wrote this entire post here LOL. But I'm glad I was sort of forced into doing this early in my uni years rather than wasting my three months away.

CNY is coming up and this year I wish I could just skip it. No amount of money could make me feel better this year. Just can't even..ugh. First cny without both my grandparents. I don't know. In the family heirarchy, it starts with my oldest uncle now? Reunion dinner and first day lunch not in somewhere different.

Imagine, about 15 years of tradition all changed. I don't wanna make things sound more dramatic than they are, but there is a certain privilege in paying respects to your elders and receiving angpaos and being altogether as a family.

I innocently watched a recent cny petronas ad like before loading a video and it like slapped me in the face. If I ever see it on tv, I don't even think I can handle it.

And we'll spend the second day of new year at the columbarium. That's gonna be our new tradition now I suppose. And visit all my grandparents relatives, without them being there. and it'll kill me again because they all look and act so alike. and they're so sweet and i'll get super jealous of my second cousins because they're so fortunate and they don't even know it.

But if we don't go then it would be even worse a feeling.


It's a heavy kind of loneliness.







PS. kay, shouldn't have written this while at work. Hahaha. padan muka.

2013.

What a year.
Being new year's eve, let's get a bit sentimental and reminiscent.

As i think I've posted mostly throughout the year, i don't needa repeat most of it lah. Just major events then?

Beginning of the year was mostly just enjoying my freedom and post-stpm life. Woah, thinking about it now, it feels SO long ago.

A lot of late nights and late mornings, just like now. hahahah.

I had my telemarketing job at empire with jess for like a month or so? The thing i remember most was that it was stressful. and NOT FUN. but i earned money, and i had a blissful week-long trial at the fitness first platinum gym there which i'm obsessed about. If i were ever rich enough, that would be my gym of choice. lol.

and a lot of hospital visits. every weekend, tuesday and thursday night to see my mama. and my last chinese new year with her. I think it was better than expected anyway. and then her passing. :(

then literally the few days after that, would be my 3 month long stint at SOM. which changed my life and perspective of Christianity forever. and all those wonderful people.

and it was busy man.

then after that were my bunches of holidays again, where..? kampar, genting..? langkawi? :) seriously, it feels like so long ago! :O

more late nights. hahah.

personal record would be coming home at 6am. I wonder if i dare try it again soon.

then i think i started work at sunway medical? till about one week before uni started.
money! :D haha. and kids.

then my life at Taylor's began. and i've already said all i wanted to say about it.

planning the talents event. stress my brains out.

my 20th birthday, which was okay.
Then Youth Camp, exam, and now. :)

I also remember spending a lot of sunday's at the koo's house. like week after week. and spent almost my entire Christmas there too. hahah.

and we just had our last Christmas dinner, and watched the Hobbit last night. and since nothing cool will happen today, I guess that's it!

Like I said, what a year.



1. I'm still single. Sometimes I do wonder why it is so easy for those around me to find a partner so easily. I am filled with apprehension just thinking of all the decisions, commitments and changes that come with being someone's girlfriend. I guess I'm just a long way off you know?

Sometimes it's tiring when you catch up with old friends and be like, YEAH. STILL FOREVER ALONE. and I LIKE IT. my life can be all kinds of happening without a certain boy being one of the protagonists.

we'll see how 2014 goes, I'll be officially 20 and unofficially 21.


2. I'm a lazy cow. So lazy. My lifestyle in 2013 has been a napful one. I've worked hard here and there, but I just wish I had more in me to be more productive and spend my precious time on more valuable things. Sleep is amazing I know. But I've got the potential for much more!

In 2014, I need some sort of catalyst. What's my motivation for self improvement?

I take too much time to complete things.

But I've also realized, most of my half cooked work comes out better than others. or still manages to be excellent. This is just an honest observation, not self-praise. I think it's one of those things God has blessed me with, NO not the excuse to be lazy, but that if I really put in more effort and preparation into things, I could do better!


3. Health wise, I'm sick now lol but over the year I've been okay I guess, less of the sinuseyness and flu attacks.

I remember falling majorly ill somewhere in September was it? or is it my imagination? Well, in December this is the third time falling sick so, lol, I've learnt my lesson, less junk food, more rest, more water.

I thought I'd start at the gym at uni adi, but I'm not comfortable enough with the idea to start. Next year! :D

I took on a challenge by paul, joe and ryan to get flat abs for a while, then exams came and now I'll be like what. no. way.


4. I have to more of a people person. It's such an irony of life that I head a department at church which prioritizes people skills. My introvert self is hard to change, but change it must, year by year.

Especially in uni. Making friends should be more of a priority you know, I will be seeing them for the next few years hellooo.

I'm trying to change, and it's one of my big 2014 resolutions, loving people. I've let my best friends find better friends than me, and I've let my pride and self-righteousness get the better of me.

Even as my birthday passed and my friends do cute and wonderful things for me, and I'm thinking, what did I do for them this year?

JUST let me stress how much of an issue this is. I mean, in general, not being really able to idk, 'love' people. I have more affection for my soft toy vegetables and neighborhood stray cats than I have for a single human. WHERE is my empathy. I want to do more than just tolerate people, I want to be interested in them!

It's a very Enid Blyton thing, if I want better friends, I have to be a better friend.


5. I gotta grow up. Cook my own food, wrap my own presents, clean my own room. Learn how to handle my money. Stop losing all my stuffff!!!! Spend less time on the tv and computer. This sounds basic right?

Be focused on the things I do, understand consequences for myself and others, just be less of a kid lah.

Doesn't mean I'll be less fun though.
No.

and stop being such a grump, and easily frustrated, and throwing fits, and being overly calculative.



So, out with the old.
Another post for all things new. another day. :)


Happy New Year!
I can change, I will change, I must change.

If memories were gifts.

First Christmas without you.
I just can't.

Maybe I'll just sit in your house for awhile.




Merry Christmas up above :)

I know I've told you before.

Whale whale whale.
Hahaha.

So, Laura, how's it been, over 3 months being a Taylor's Lakeside student?
and how's life since your last post?

I'm so happy for your concern dear blog. I will update you the best I can. :)

Well, in terms of uni life, I find that this sem really...irregular. It gives an odd illusion like there's not much to do and study and then there are strenuous weeks of churning out assignment after assignment, quiz after quiz, and videos and reviews and then, nothing much again. I appreciate the short classes very much though, thank you Taylor's for letting me slowly get used to the stresses of uni life, and the culture shock that comes with it.

Academically, it's been quite okay so far, for me. My assignments have been getting good marks, and my midterm came back quite well, and the quizzes are okay so far. I NO CHEAT some more. haha.

Coming from a science stream background, this stuff is kinda easy peas really. From cramming all processes of digesting sugar and dna mutation and chemical processes and math permutations and then suddenly learning theories about life, society, media and critical thinking, it's such a break for my brain. Though most of the time my inner pride and nerd is constantly pressuring me to do AMAZINGLY WELL since it's apparently 'so easy' for me. go big or go home Laura.

and the facilities here never fail to amaze me. enough said, I'm not promo-ing taylors. Everyone, go and study somewhere else cheaper.

friends here are more similar to my high school mates though. i think form 6 just happens to pool together a very specific type of people that are amazing in their own ways, but different. so, somewhat more used to uni friends. I'm always bummed out everyday though that mass comm has a horrible guy to girl ratio. More guys next sem PLEASE. handsome ones.

and I'm glad that I slowly get to know that there are more Twelveans studying here than I originally thought. Yay to that.

Next life event please.

So, successfully organized and executed the 365's Got Talent 2013 earlier this month. and it feels like such a relief to get it off my shoulders. I thought this event planning would come easy to me as I've planned so many events before, and two similar ones in usj 12. But no. the vast differences in resources, manpower and protocol really took it's toll.

In usj 12 I had unlimited resources. Printing? Done. Paid for. Publicity? WE SEE EVERYONE EVERYDAY. Manpower? My infinite amount of ever-ready-to-serve-me prefects at my disposal. and it's for profit anyway. 365's Got Talent was not for profit.

In the end though, after stressful days and nights and rushing and all, it turned better than expected. And plenty of good reviews from everyone too. :)

So thank you God for that.

So, at the moment? Life?

I have my finals a week from now. and an assignment due next week. It's crunch time now. sucks, when most people have holidays already.

my current dilemma? my last paper is only after camp, which means i have the opportunity to go for youth camp.

But SHOULD I? that's the question.

can't wait till Christmas. and my 3 month-long holiday :)

Lastly.

My late granma's birthday passed last Sunday, and the days that led up to it were very tiring emotionally. I had an exam, the talent event and assignments due that week. Most of the time i just felt so distraught.

Midweek was awful. Vivid dreams of both my grandparents, random crying spells and a general bitterness at everyone.

I think if i can avoid it, I will never want to voluntarily go grocery shopping at giant anymore. Seeing cute retired old couples shopping with their grandkids makes me so nostalgic.

and we visited the columbarium.

and to think, her previous birthday we were still taking her out to dinner.

what am I going to do. a Christmas without them. CNY without them. and then it'll be a one year anniversary. One whole year of this. I het it.

Why you so bitter Laura.

keep me next to You.

Let's turn things around. It's been an emotionally numbing week. I haven't been feeling like this since I was 14, and hormonally imbalanced. 

 

and just a disclaimer, from the feedback i've been getting from those of you really still read my blog, my recent posts about my granma are when i'm at my worst. I am not always like that, nor am I fragile and sensitive, and you don't have to worry about stepping on my emotional toes :D 

 

With the stress of planning a difficult event, starting uni (and assignments), and trying to hold up and reshuffle a department, and having a spiritual crisis here, I just feel utterly bogged down. The kind where I don't want to get out of bed in the morning, or don't want to fall asleep at night. 

 

okay. actually, I didn't mean to pile on the sad stuff here.

 

I changed my blog layout, and was going through some old posts again. and I thought, in honor of successfully maturing into a reasonably well rounded person, and not pregnant, not smoking, not doing drugs, not drinking and clubbing, not overly bimbotic, not irresponsible with my life, not in debt, and just being averagely not in trouble.

 

what has the world become that being average and normal is already the best thing you can hope for.

 

I did this at the end of 2007, when i was 14. and i cringed at almost every line. so lets see what a 20 year old (actually 19 >:)) version of me can do.

 

 

2013. even though the year hasn't ended.

[PEOPLE]

1. Best friends?

Troubling that I can't say that I have that one or few best, best friends anymore. But I have enough love, support and encouragement I need from the group I have now.

 

2. Lost any friends?

Not on purpose. Inevitable. Form 6 friends, and every year that passes, my usj 12 schoolmates.

 

3. Gained any friends?

Here and there. and at uni.

 

4. Met a new good friend?

I did join SOM for three months. Amazing people.

 

[PLACES]

 

1. Went out of the country?

This year no. Singapore was the end of last year. But had plenty of local holidays. :)

 

2. Moved?

I doubt I ever will. Haha. 

on another note though, 365 did move to a bigger hall. I miss the old one, but, progress is progress.

 

3. New school?

Never thought I'd ever study in Taylor's. and sometimes i still feel like it's a wrong decision. no peace. haha. Let's see how this semester goes. 

 

4. How many times on an airplane?

Langkawi, both ways. First time in a night flight. Sat uncomfortably next to a large middle eastern man. Adrian's shampoo exploded in his bag.

 

5. Have you changed?

Nope.

 

6. Biggest conflict this year?

Conflict? Like argument? Like internal conflict? I dunno howz to answer dis.

 

7. Most depressed time this year?

When my granma passed, and funnily enough, now.

 

[LOVE]

 

1. Did you fall in love?

Not that I know of. I don't know what the feeling consists of. Learning to admire and respect different qualities in certain guys, but love? vat is dat.

 

2. Did you get heartbroken?

So dramatic. Please. No.

 

3. Who was your summer romance?

no summer, no romance. haha.

 

4. Least favorite season this year?

When granma passed.

 

5. Good birthday?

Not yet.

 

[FINAL QUESTIONS]

 

1. Snuck out?

I don't anymore. Haha. It's the sneaking back in that's the problem. My midnight curfew has been re-implemented.

 

2. Met a person who will change your life?

All the people in SOM. 

 

3. Had a first something?

lazy to think.

 

4. Liked someone who didn't like you?

Infatuate over countless handsome guys that don't know I exist. Biasalah. Aaron. Ramsey.

 

5. Got bad grades?

STPM results were good. :)

 

6. Got suspended?

Naw.

 

7. Moved states?

never...

 

8. Got a myspace?

This is an invalid question.

 

9. Done something you totally regret?

Telling people things. Really, the more I keep to myself, the better.

 

 

:)

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