Feeling very overwhelmed rn and honestly this is the best platform to pour it out haha
Here is where i can get honest about football and not feel judged
Because i have come to realize my emotional connection with football is something i constantly underestimate
Recently i havent been catching up with football. obviously covid has changed the football atmosphere and there are many disruptions, and another factor would be that we dont subscribe to the sports package on astro anymore lol but most importantly is that Arsenal hasnt been playing that great
There's improvement here and there but the overall sense of disappoint is still lingering and i have mentioned before that i need to consciously distance myself until things get better. hope feels like a poison to me
You could say i'm being an unloyal fan or a sore loser, and i wont disagree with you. i mean, this has got to be one of the worst seasons i've experienced and its funny because the many tough years should have also toughened me and my expectations
I miss enjoying football though, i still can every once in awhile, and the Euros are coming up again so maybe that will kickstart things
But anyway, i'm here today because i finally had the nerve to listen to an Arseblog Arsecast interview with the Cesc Fabregas and that 1 hour was a crazy experience listening to his firsthand experience of everything, and i can feel myself go back in time to the crazy moments of football, all the joys and pains included, because i started getting into football about the time he joined the club and invested so much in to it and him leaving was PAIN absolute PAIN and listening to him and just pondering about how things could have gone so differently
and it was so relatable its so annoying haha
like if you didnt know about everything you could always just have some level of ignorance and be like its okay, we laypeople will never understand everything and can accept that
but NOoOO now you hear about it and be frustrated and feel his frustration and totally understand him
he mentioned how invested he was in the club and how painful it was for him to not win more trophies as a captain, and he was so young and there was so much pressure
and how Xabi Alonso could have joined!
and how things like all the injuries especially RVP's injury could have the difference between winning a season and not winning
and how he could honestly have joined Arsenal back again
and so many things
and so nostalgic for me overall, reliving these football days of mine
and how that part of me feels like something i left behind so long ago
like just two or three years ago i would drop everything in a heartbeat to go to Singapore to watch Arsenal play, and like i dont have the luxury to do that anymore at all?
also cause this week i've been emotional and nostalgic in general, brought on by another extension of lockdown, and looking back into my old insta stories and fun times i've had
really frustrated with covid overall
missing out on so many things, like, this is the time of our lives before more commitments and im tired of thinking already. i've blogged about this already but i'm sure many of us feel these frustrations so often these days
like i said, hope is a poison
you keep thinking there's something to look forward to like vaccinations, but then this gov is so slow and incompetent and they honestly dont even care or arent even affected -_-
like to me, politics is politics la, there will always be corruption and greed and dishonesty - but whats happening now is really pure incompetence wan
its not any different from being in the working world, where there is incompetence in almost every level and its just a lack of common sense and critical thinking and bad decision making and we cant change that?? we just have to accept it and there are tons of smarter and more deserving people out there and tbh idk but you guys but i feel helpless, that is another pandemic of its own, the pandemic of stupidity
so to leave on a good note, i have to remind myself that there are things worth looking forward to
right
