I'm sure when we were younger and looking up at working adults that are in relationships and have jobs and cars etc you may think they know what they're doing
And even now at 27 i'm thinking alright those that are married and have kids and idk have things like mortgages like wow some of them are my age and i feel like a child
Does it feel surreal for you guys, or is it just me
Just working through my life step by step not knowing what you dont know out there
I'm honestly kinda scared i will still be this lost and clueless and in most aspects bring any immature and childish habits into my adulthood
I'm sure nobody ever like evolves to be a perfect version of themselves and step into a distinct threshold of 'successful adult' and get stamped with a big 'PASS' to qualify for the next things
So all you can do is try to improve yourself at every opportunity, just sometimes you feel like you're doing it way too slow at your own pace, and there are people out there just being ballers
I just feel like things never get finished, or accomplished or i will never reach that point in my head where i feel good about things, or settled - i dont think i'm a paranoid person and i'm not in any way the type that really chases for success, is it just my personality to settle for stuff until the next thing comes along?
This rant doesnt even lead to a point honestly and thats how messy my brain feels
I just feel there's a lot of anxiety about the future and all the things i'm failing at currently you know
I've always imagined myself to be a productive, proactive, go-getter type HAH but we all know i'm not really, or at least not anymore i feel like i have prematurely retired or at least especially compared to the people i know
I had a long rant after this talking about some post modernism vs traditionalist stuff and i'm spiralling
I think as usual i'm just being overly introspective and that happens a lot when i'm alone. usually when i'm with people its VERY refreshing to get out of my head and my friends help me to reaffirm my positive thoughts and distract from my negative ones
so root problem is i'm lonely? haha
i miss my friends and having a proper social calendar, and covid has definitely made things tough
Just feeling helpless and everything is out of my control. life is a waiting game
This is where having Jesus in my life really helps me. He comforts me and gives me hope, and helps me to see beyond myself
He teaches me to be grateful for what i have and to empathise with others instead of just looking at my own problems
He helps me to rely on Him to do things that i honestly can't do and He does them in the best way possible
I want to be like Solomon, like if God would grant me something, i wouldnt ask for time, money, talents, etc - i would ask for wisdom
The GREAT thing is, we actually can have faith and ask Him for it and challenge ourselves to practice it by trusting Him and not ourselves
If there's one thing I know is that we're weak and sinful and very easily retreat to the laziest most convenient option which will literally get you nowhere or even backwards
Directionless mmhmm
Also work's been tough
