Hello it's 2020! What a year to be alive in, and such extreme circumstances have driven me back here.
Before diving back in to 2017, 2018 and 2019, I have to talk about what's happening now. You wouldn't believe it, it's like we're in a movie.
It has been almost 40 days of lockdown, and possibly another month to go. I'm truly stumped at what to type next actually. Hmm.
I'm gonna be selfish and shallow here, because it's my space ok? We cannot be politically correct 100% of the time, and me having this perspective doesn't mean I lose sight on all other perspectives. Take a breather, you liberals.
Biggest slice of my life unfortunately goes to my work life. Just trying to work to my normal office hours everyday. I looooovvee not having to wake up early, and spend a minimum of 2-3 hours JUST FOR COMMUTE. Practically, its great to be in pajamas all day. I have my one token shirt to look presentable in video calls from the neck up. I mean, suddenly I see my huge closet and think, these realllly aren't necessary.
Tasks wise we only prioritize the urgent and important things, which if i think about it, most of my tasks seem more cosmetic, and 'non essential'. I'm just happy to be in an essential industry, even getting a proper share of bonus and increment despite it all. Who knew that I'd be thanking my prudent self for somehow ending up in this conventional, and corporate, but very secure, workplace. If millennials never believed in job security before like the generations before us, we're in for a really stark reality.
That being said, i worry endlessly about the jobs of others and the economy. I know there are people really struggling, and these are just the underdogs we're aware of and rooting for. It must be exponentially bad for those much less fortunate that don't even cross our mind or get any coverage. So here I am, ultimately thankful, and trying to be less superficial and materialistic about my own selfish future.
Things really won't be the same for a long time. I picture my average lifestyle: going out for a shopping trip in a mall, having a birthday meal with friends, catching a movie in the cinema, a run in the park, badminton games. Then things like church on the weekends, travelling or parties for the holidays, concerts and tournaments. I SHOULD BE IN KOREA NOW.
Few months ago we wouldn't think any of this would be a luxury. Now i really miss it. and will miss it for many months from here till a there's a miracle.
The introvert in me is thriving. Alone time is still very enjoyable, in fact, too enjoyable, and makes me worried. I have more control on what I do in a day, in my own space, with minimal obligations to others. I'm worried I won't be able to weather the everyday crowds once we're back out there. But what I know from my 27 (I'M 27!) years of living, is that being with people helps you to grow and love others, tolerate them as they tolerate you. You build being patient, understanding and considerate towards friends, peers, strangers, especially those that are hard to not dislike.
My ONE trip out to Village Grocer reminded me of those people. Extra loud and crude aunties talking over the vegetables, that one guy who cut my queue and the girl that parked extra near to my car. Life is like that.
I try and fail at productivity of course. I'm stuck on my Daniel Kahneman book, it's good, but the focus to read is a long lost discipline (i blame digital addiction). I've cleaned and sorted everything I can, I even painted my sister's old room and set up my temporary (LONG TERM) office/gym. I workout quite regularly, although i'm not too sure how effective it is, but its sure better than my fully sedentary self.
I miss my long runs, on the track or treadmill. All my current workout routines are helping to tone and build strength, but i miss the satisfaction of doing that 5k run, which i think is most effective for me in losing weight. Although i do think i've lost weight, i can control my meals better at home of course.
My parents lovingly prepare a juice for me every morning, and while some meals are just average, i do enjoy my everyday meals. At the beginning, eating and finding food was such a chore, but now at least i know it breaks up the day in less overwhelming portions.
And generally i enjoy things like ramen and toast hahah. Oh and all the money saved!
I do miss church a lot. My weekends spent at church has been a regular routine for years and years and years, and suddenly such a long break. Personally, i think for me it was a good break. But after about the third week, i started feeling really sappy about my friends there, seeing all the happy church kids and babies, and mostly, painfully, is praise and worship together.
Worshiping on our own is great. Being able to declare and sing about God out loud, among people who feel the same way, is a different experience altogether.
Anyway, this is all for today. I'm lazy. I dont know how i managed to write so much last time.
