Fire

 Such a strong urge to be the first one to prove yourself, or let go first, or be better in some way. For self preservation, pride, ego.

How hard must it always be to swallow your pride, hold your tongue, turn the other cheek, be the bigger person, take the higher road?

Where does this sense of inferiority or injustice stem from? I really wonder where it comes from and what good can come from it?

So selfish of us to value only ourselves but in the end get even more unhappy at the outcome you’re trying to get. Do I want others to think of me as outstanding, impressive, effortless etc or don’t think of me at all and why must I care 

I came back to this

Actually I’m just sad, I was sad even from the start knowing one day it would end

I’m sad that I can’t be 100% myself and I have many many walls. Congratulations if you’re a person who can express their feelings and do what ever you want confidently. There’s only pain in overthinking and making assumptions and being calculative

Even telling myself the best thing is to have no expectations, that’s what a coward would do to avoid dealing with their self discomfort

I say I’m a realist but I’m not, there’s nothing I somehow end up doing more than turning off my mind and plunging into distractions and imaginary happiness