Pick Me

Monday, July 23, 2007

PEOPLE. THIS IS FROM ANISA'S BLOG OK?

READ IT! EVERY SINGLE WORD K?

ITS REALLY IMPORTANT.

why is it that i tend to classify everyone else as one whole big force against miniscule me? is it that im insecure?or is it one of those normal-teenage-phases we go through?if so,take it away. i dont like it.

my tendency to exclude myself is my worst enemy.

dont misunderstand. im not a total antisocial. i have friends. its just that some how, right smack in the middle of a comfortable conversation with my acquaintances, i get this tiny critical voice in my head. the thoughts will come pouring in:why are these people being nice to me? why does being classmates/senior-juniors/clubmates make us friends? if so, why didnt i approach them ages ago?

and usually, after those heart-to-heart-truth-or-dare tete-a-tetes, the fun runs out. brief greeting exchanges seem so mechanical. life becomes the normal dreary existence it was, as if the in-depth whole friendship moolah never happened. that will be the time i start questioning again. in the end, the "hellos" and "c ya later"s seem like chores. someting i do as a polite gimmick.

im such a fake. i hate this stupid plastic grin and this stupid plastic giggle on my face.

again, dont get me wrong.

i cherish friendship. just not so much when i have to mantain it.

back to self-exclusion.

i think my ego also plays a huge part in this. 24/7 im surrounded by people i find shallow. for a fact, i actually detest shallow people. though i find it hard to be so against them when even my closest friends are. i feign interest in boring conversations of little substance. im sick and tired of attempting to show my other side, my deep side, only to find it brushed away as 'anisa's being weird again lets avoid her for a while till she pulls herself together and tells us about what happened at so-n-so's party.'

SERIOUSLY.

lol.
and she complains about me being emo.
anyway.
i seriously need to fully fully thank her for this.
i mean, i aint a good explainer and usually i confuse people so, the way she puts this is well...
almost perfect.
word for word, its exactly how i feel most of the time.
this is kinda why i was so emo last time.
oh and, she never leaves a space after commas and full stops.
its not good.

but anyway, good for her lah.
i mean, how many form 1's do u know..
(or anybody in fact)
could be so..
expressive and insightful.
oh gawd its like im her utmost fan or something.

i just know what shes going through.

the way u are.
lovelee.
i dont.
XD

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
i feel so appreciated.
SNORT.
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA