we're out.

and people wonder why....
let the the people wonder why....
its obvious.

some hearts.

gosh. i am so confused. but very happy to be confused.
erm..
?

i like yelling out insults that nobody understands to random people.
i use long complicating words that nobody understands and just say it straight to their face and they have no idea what im talking about so they just smile and move on.
isnt that nice?

oh. and i got demarited again.
for hair.
i thought my hair wasnt that bad right?
but apparently, it is...
so..went to bbi..
=O
saw my auntie and i tried so desperately to hide from her....

i think i dont really like going online anymore....

im a first.

woohay.
had a very weird weekend.
um..on friday i kinda was sick...my nose was stuck and stuff lah..so got headache also.
i had to do OHP.
i messed up alot too cause i kept sneezing.
then saturday.
i slept till 11.30 lidat..nose was at its worst...
dunno if i shud go to youth or not..
then last minute i semangat wanna go lah..
it was already 3.40 that time..so..
went lah.
got scolded bout something which made me really depressed again.(something about feeling worthless??)
then i talked to danielle after cell.
shes soooooo nice.
hee.
then sunday.
woo.
the absolute epitome of my weekend.
oh..and arsenal beat bolton !!!!!
after church i was supposed to go to the newcomers lunch with aski.
but somebody forgot to pick us up lah.
so.
we went to lunch with chewie and rhys courtesy of Eugene's mom.
then una came along wif benjamin(goh).
hee. i was happy.
i still am about it.

u promised not to fadeeeeeee away.

i like talking to jen wen.
well..today we talked about rights..

who gave rights?
i mean..usually the government and stuff lah..
but how about other rights?

who gave u the right to be angry?
who gave u the right to judge?
who gave u the right to be happy?
why am i talking about rights anyway?
we are all inhumane evil people that dont give a damn about anything..

anyway..
i learned that me and jen wen are sort of depressed about the same thing..

im depressed cause my brain is conflicting and ambivalent and contradicting itself and it cant make up its mind..
its slowly processing stuff because i cant find out why im so sad about certain things so i break down stuff one by one and then think about all the pros and cons and whether or not it will affect me very deeply or something..
thats why i stare into space alot..
if u see me dreaming or just staring into space , im possibly doing just that and u shouldnt bother me cos then most probably i dont have a conclusion on how to classify it yet...

and then theres the worries.
which largely consists of homework and when to wash my hair.
and i should really vaccuum my windows.

so am i still waiting for this world to stop hating

!@#$!

i suck.

!@#$%!

i mean..come on..its been so freaking long...
im so sick of it...
i want things to be just like normal..before my brain was twisted and cynical...

before i cared.

ive been pretty sensitive nowadays.
i take almost everything personally.
really....i suck....

that day..
i went to a mamak stall..
and then i saw this small girl..
looking at a cat..
and then...i sat down..and the she looked at me..
and the cat was mewing like crazy summore...
but she kept staring at me!
so..yay..
im more fascinating then a cat!
since u know..um..small kids plus animals fit together very well..

enough said.

your not very smart huh..

i think abandoning me is the worst thing u could do to me right now...


hehe. joseph has a remarkable ability to make (very)emo people like me happy again...
which is really ironic since he is one of the contributers of my emoness.
heeee.


you wanna know what bothers me?
is that..
stuff happens around me...and stuff that are the way they are..are very bothersome..
they bother most people, yet they dont bother some people,
and somehow it bothers me.
i know i shouldnt be bothered with it, but i still am.
i dont want to be bothered by it cause it is causing me to question myself alot.
and that really bothers me.

i'm coming to get you!!